Nothing Happens Overnight

After I graduated from undergraduate and landed an RN position at my place of employment, I moved out of my mother’s and house and found an apartment right off highway 70. During this period of stillness, I started researching child sexual abuse and incest. I learned about child sexual abuse prevalence, risk factors, and short and long term consequences.

I continued to learn more about America’s history, including the treatment of all women. Here is an excerpt from Bent Not Broken, my memoir on what I learned from my sexual abuse experience and how I found my healing path:

“The act of anyone forcing his or her will on another human being, violating the ethical, moral, and sanctity of human life, is nothing new to the world. For centuries, many children, both young and old, were subjugated to abuse and rape and lived with censored voices. Unfortunately, the cycle of unleashed pain and torment continues to callous human hearts,  dismantling the family concept and infecting generations.  The darkness within the world appears to be winning souls, manifesting adversity as damnation instead of a means of uncovering the Light within us.” 

In other words, I learned that I was not the only one, and many children, young and old, after their abuse, kept on moving forward. I am not standing on the shoulders of those before me, but they are guiding me from above, behind, in front, and from both sides. The strength I have to overcome come from generations before me.

Know that you are not alone. If someone else found their healing path, you, too can find yours and move forward with your abilities, gifts, and talents and be the light within a sometimes darkened world.

To be a part of the community that is bent on using child sexual abuse and other adversities as stepping stones to your purpose, sign up for my quarterly newsletters. I share what I am working on, tips to initiate and sustain healthy behaviors, and updates.

To Your Best Health and Life!

Timika S Chambers

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There Was A Time When I Didn’t Think I Could Pregnant Or Have The Family I Wanted

For years, off and on, I wondered if experiencing childhood sexual abuse destroyed my ability to have children. From 5-10, two male family members misused my developing body. When I became sexually active, with my first boyfriend, at age 16, my mother sent me down to a clinic in Madison, Illinois. From then on for approximately 10 years, I faithfully took birth control pills to prevent myself from getting pregnant. So, I often wondered if the combination of abuse and the length of being on birth control pills negated my chances of having a family of my own.

Sometime before my 20’s, I realized I wanted to have a family—a boy and girl with curly hair, preferably twins (a one and done) and a husband with green/brown eyes no more than 5 years older than me. Later on, I added other qualifications.

My miscarriage in 2010 at the age of 35, along with Bible stories of Sara and Rebecca, and hearing pregnancy successes of others, were the fuel I needed to believe that having a family of my own was possible. I needed to get my body right and turn back to my heart’s desires.

In the fall of 2010, after much research and the results of a positive hormonal test, prayer, and positive affirmations, I announced to my husband that we are getting pregnant in the winter. I prayed “God if it is your will, I want to be a mother.” I used visualizations. One day, I visualized a boy and a girl running down our hallway in our Ohio condo. Now, I know in the next lifetime to visualize kids walking instead of running : ). I believed that everything is for the one who believes (Mark9:23). I also remembered a conviction I had as a child. No one or nothing has the right to take from me what I wanted for my life.

When I missed my period in January, I felt like my dreams were coming true. I held some of my excitement until my OBGYN confirmed my pregnancy. In September 2011, at age 36, we had our son. In 2013, before our daughter’s arrival, two dreams confirmed that we were having a girl. I wasn’t surprised my ultrasound confirmed we were having a daughter. Now, I have the boy and girl I always wanted. Although, they are two years apart, one day someone asked me if they were twins. I am married to my brown/green-eyed college sweetheart who is four years and 19 days older than me.

I knew early on that I wanted to teach many of the life principles I learned and those my mother taught me. Her wisdom helped me get through the initial stages of my pregnancy. She helped me tackle my doubt by sharing what helped her during her pregnancies. “I’m pregnant, and that’s it. ” Then, I claimed what was in my heart all along.

Motherhood is a journey within a journey. I’ve learned a lot about my Self, communication, leadership, and others. And, I keep on learning. I am thankful that my mother helped instill a foundation that I draw from daily.

May your heart dreams come true. I believe that when we seek God with all our heart, mind, and soul, he unveils His will for our lives. I’ve heard so many pregnancy-success stories to know that there is a power beyond our circumstances, experiences, medical, and technology.

Make this lifetime great! No matter what you have been through, keep dreaming, hoping, and have faith that anything is possible. When I unleashed my dreams into the universe, I didn’t know about The Secret. I knew what I wanted.

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Self-Care Is Self-Love: People-Pleasing Is Neither

Sometimes, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, we have exactly what we need and don’t see it or choose to overlook it. People pleasing doesn’t prove anything other than questions our sanity.

When we do so much for others, and less for ourselves, we have lost some self-respect, and therefore, are not practicing self-care. When people ask you to do something that sets off your ethical and moral barometer, we must listen to the alarm and act accordingly.

Early on, I learned that no amount of doing leads to honesty and respect. When the secret was out about my sexual abuse experience, one of the male family members lied about his involvement. Then, I knew that love is not built on pleasing others. Therefore, I wanted someone to love me for me, and not what I can do for him. Relationships continue to reinforce that I I must love myself first. People will often treat you how you treat yourself.

Learn more about my memoir, Bent Not Broken, which shares how I used my sexual abuse experience to formulate life principles and additional healthy living tips by signing up below for my quarterly newsletter. Be bent on the idea that adversity will make you stronger.

Everyday is a day to remake yourself into the person you want to be and not a compilation of unleashed pain especially others’ pain.

Make this lifetime great!


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