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Posted in personal development, Uncategorized

Elicit action versus inaction: What is the real issue?

Elicit

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What inspires some to achieve their goals and others to quit and not achieve their stated goals is what I continue to face daily.  We are all different, yet, I believe we are all equipped with what we need to live our best life.

1. Is it because it is not the right time or “life” got in the way?  I have had people to divorce, bury a loved one, be diagnosed with cancer and still feel compelled to finish what they started. Until whatever you are trying to achieve is a priority, it will not be a priority.

2. Is it because family and/or friends are not supportive? I am sure you heard of stories when friends laughed at someone’s idea. Take Walt Disney and the creation of Disneyland.  If Walt Disney  had listened to “that idea is impossible”, would families get to enjoy Disneyland and Disney World?
3. Is it because work is so stressful, and the person does not have time to work on a paper or study for a test? Or is it more about balancing time and making their studies a priority? There have been stories of single mothers, or mothers who work a full-time job and in supervisory and managerial roles seek higher education to open up doors. Some of these mothers had young children at the time  (under age 5) and utilized the resources they had to achieve their goals. Many claim that their children were their inspiration or wanting a “better” job.
4. Is it more about time management and not having the time to accomplish their goals? We all have 24 hours in a day.  It is what we do with the time (Joseph Ferrari PhD, Procrastination ). I am guilty of saying “time got away from me.” Is it more about procrastination or just not wanting to do whatever it is you should do? or the lack of belief in oneself to accomplish set goals/dreams? I will usually remind myself that now that I know better, the amount of time I have should not be an excuse for not achieving my goals. Mom would always tell me that “if you really want to do something, you will”.
I have to catch myself and think it is not time’s fault. I am making excuses for not getting the job done, lack belief in myself, and the confidence to carry out the task, or do I really want to do whatever it is.  Why or why not, I might ask?
5. Is it about that they do not have the resources or know people to help them achieve their goals? Did you research resources or mentors to help you achieve your goals? Are you saying that your success is dependent on what others do for you? That you do not have the skills or resources to get things done? What are the right questions you need to ask?  How many times was Jack Canfield’s Chicken Soup for the Soul rejected? You probably know Sean John Comb’s (Puff Daddy’) rise to fame and that he worked as an intern at Uptown Records.
6. Is it because they didn’t understand the product or task at hand? Well, then I ask did the person seek help? The internet is exploding with information, and usually resources are made known by an organization you want to work for. I have heard of individuals being persistent and not stopping until their question was answered or they got what they want via determination and hard work.  Mothers have applied for jobs with very little experience and have also become entrepreneurs.
7. Is it because the person is not ready? A mother may not be ready to be a single parent; however, she may be determined to care for her offspring regardless of the father’s involvement.  I know.  I have been there. A person may not be ready to take a test or exam, but feel like its time and that he or she has studied enough.

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” Jim Rohn

8. Is it because of fear? Many individuals may have been fearful to check their blood sugar, yet they summoned the courage to do so because they wanted to live a better quality of health or did not want to end up like a relative who may have had to have both legs amputated.
9. Is it because no one showed you how? Many inventions were made due to pure curiosity, desire to change the world, and hard work. (Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, etc.)
10. Is it because that person was tired or hungry? How many times have you gone hours without eating or sleeping working on your goals (paper, studying for a test, doing something for someone else)  until it dawned on you your last meal or the current time?
11. Is it because you are not the right color, religion, or an eloquent speaker, too tall, skinny, overweight, from the wrong neighborhood, etc. The changes you make should be for you and not for others. We all have our own journey and have special gifts, talents, and skills. Why are you not accepted as you are? Is it more about the other person’s judgement of you than who you truly are?
12. Is it because you do not have the money to do what you want to do (i.e. start a business)? What about “rags to riches”? What about Starbuck’s CEO Howard Schultz (1987), Oprah Winfrey at the age of 19 becoming the first African American correspondent in Nashville and moving to Chicago to work for an AM show which eventually became the Oprah Winfrey show (1983)?, Ralph Lauren?, and others?

There are so many reasons that can be thought of why we do not achieve our goals. Until we get to the root of our behavior, how do we expect to achieve our goals? What do you believe about yourself and what you can accomplish?  Are you confident in your abilities to get things done when you should?

Timika

 

 

Posted in Ohio mom, personal development

Lesson 10

Is it beneficial to continue the same familial behaviors “just because that is the way it has always been done.” “My mother, father, grandmother, aunt, uncle and everyone else did it this way, so I will, too.”

Are we carrying comfort, joy, love, peace into the next generations or anger, bitterness, disappointments, or hatred into next generations? Are we researching to see if there is a better strategy to getting something done? For example, I read online how many parents are using meditation to help their child confront negative behaviors and adapt more positive behaviors through self-reflection and inner wisdom instead of whipping their children.
Ultimately, are we becoming the best person we know how to be and helping our children to do the same?
What would your answer be to the below questions?

1. If you have been diagnosed with diabetes and had a family member to die because of diabetes complications, should you stop preventative behaviors (checking your blood sugar, eating healthy and in moderation, consistent physical activity) because you believe that you will die of the same complications, too.  Why or why not?

Are you upset that your mother did not take better care of her health and left you at a young age that you vow to never have children?

2. If your parents whipped you with a switch until your skin split open and started bleeding, should you discipline your children the same way? Why or why not?

3. If your father stayed at a job until retirement, regretting that he never pursued what he was passionate about, should you do the same? Why or why not?

4. If you were raised by a single parent, and one of your parents was not there for you throughout your childhood, should you be the same way to your children? Why or why not?

5. If your mother never served home cooked meals, and you frequently visited drive thru or sit in restaurants, should you not learn how to cook for your family? Why or why not?

6. If your mother never graduated from high school, should you settle for dropping out of high school and never pursue a college degree, even though you want to be a nurse? Why or why not?

7. If you believe that you were not loved by your parents, and you had a dysfunctional household, should you withhold love from your children (no hugs, kisses, or compassion shown)?

8. If you believe that you raised yourself, should you set the same expectations for your child?
9. If you were locked in a room for two hours a day anytime you did something your parents did not like, should you do the same to your child?

We have the knowledge and the power to make better choices for ourselves and our family. We can always seek experts in the field (Diabetes educator, healthcare providers, dietitians, parenting coaches, online organizations/ support groups to make better life choices. If something bothered you or just did not feel right as a child, why continue the same behaviors? Our actions and inactions can have a direct or indirect influence on our children, schools, communities, and the world.
For example, angry children can become angry adults. Angry adults can become angry employees, employers, wives, husbands, policeman, firefighters, nurses, doctors, etc. If the anger is left unchecked, well, you know what can happen.

What we do behind closed doors, do not stay behind closed doors.

Heal within,

Timika

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Posted in personal development

You will learn more by listening

It is so easy to get so wrapped up in a conversation that you are talking instead of listening.  My mother would always encourage us to listen. ” You will learn more from listening. Give the person time to speak.”

It is not always about what you know and impressing others.  Sometimes people share things with you because they just need someone to listen to them.  As long as our mental faculties are intact, we are capable of making our own decisions.  Just listening to someone shows that you care and value what they have to say.  See the bigger picture and not just the one incident.  If you are nonjudgemental and an active listener (eye contact/face person, no other activities, paraphrase when asked,  don’t interrupt, advise when asked, relaxed, etc. ), people will feel comfortable sharing more information with you.  Remember that sometimes people hold back information until they feel safe.

 

Heal within,

 

Timika

Posted in personal development, Uncategorized

Don’t give up

Roller coaster life

 

Up and down you go,
Sometimes fast & sometimes slow,
To the left, to the right,
Until your dreams and goals appear out of sight.

Bouts of laughter, copious tears

Catching a glimpse of never-ending fears,
Keep your eyes on the prize.
You will look back with amazed eyes.
You are more than your circumstances.
Give yourself unlimited chances.
To soar as high as you can go,
You are where you belong and rightfully so
Stronger, clearer, and focused,

Beaten up, but not hopeless,

Sit back and relax, here comes your stop.

Look at you rising to the top.

Set realistic expectations & know every day may not go as planned.  Have a Plan A, Plan B, and a Plan C.  If you are always quitting when unexpected things happen, will this be your habitual way of handling life when things get “tough?”

Be prepared for what you ask for.  If you want to live in New York, do not be surprised when the perfect job offer is in New York.  If you prayed for a good man to show up, try not to self-sabotage the relationship because of your unresolved issues.

Remind yourself daily of your goals and dreams.  I have my “mirror words” and flash cards at my bedside to remind me of what I want to accomplish.  I also have a vision board above my desk.  Maybe it is time to take up meditation and daily visualization for yourself. Put sticky notes where you can see them daily (frig, mirror, door, etc.)

Consistent work.  There are days when we do not feel like doing whatever it is we should be doing (writing,  practicing an instrument, making cold calls to get the word out about your business, etc.) I know I have days I just want to relax and not do anything.   If we are not working towards our dreams/goals, who are we working for?  If we want our life to change, we have to be willing to change our life.  How many times have you lounge around the house and said you were not going to do anything that day? You were in your pajamas sitting on the couch watching your favorite TV show.  Your friend call, and as soon as you heard the words, “I need you” for something, you got dressed in under 5 minutes.

Consistent work intensifies your desire to achieve your dreams/goals.

If you are consistent in your behavior, your actions will eventually become second nature (usually under 3 months).

If you can do it for others, you can do it for yourself.  How can we truly be there for others when we cannot be there for ourselves?

 

Timika

 

 

Posted in Bullying, personal development

Lesson 8: Don’t just be sorry..

If you are truly sorry for your behavior, then you will try not to do it anymore…whether it is:

1. Calling someone outside of his or her name….
2. Raising your voice at someone
3. Being late for an event that is important to someone else
4. Forgetting a birthday or anniversary and no known decrease in mental function
5. Turning in your homework past the deadline
6. Saying you were going to do something and you did not
7. Missing a scheduled call to discuss something
8. Hitting someone 
9. Returning something you borrowed at a much later date or not at all
10. Lying

Mother held us accountable when we would apologize for our behavior. “Try your best not to do it again” is what our mother would say. Saying you are sorry should mean something. Words meant something, but your actions meant more.

Timika

Posted in personal development

Center yourself with Lesson 7: No excuses

Center

Let’s get to the center of who we truly are.

Our mother continues to support us during our life’s journey by listening and offering constructive criticism.  One of her favorite sayings is “if you like it, I love it.” It is when we are stagnant in our actions, yet we keep talking about whatever it is, that she would and continues to say “don’t talk me to death, do it).  Just like the Nike commercial, right?

Be true to yourself.  Value who you are.  Your actions will emulate how you feel about yourself.

If you can do it for others, you can do it for yourself.

  1. If you are tired, take a nap. (You would probably tell a close friend to do the same if he or she was tired).
  2. Treat yourself to something.  (Do not wait for others to treat you.  You are worth the cost….within reason, of course!)
  3. Learn a new skill/educate yourself. (If you do not do it, who will?)
  4. If you are overweight, educate yourself about resources, set a plan, and discipline yourself to follow the plan.  (A workout buddy may be helpful; however, remember that you are working out for yourself, and your physical activity is not dependent on who can or who cannot join you).

Others:

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. – Maya Angelou

There is nothing wrong with expecting the best from others.  However, take the time to assess your relationship with others.

We teach people how to treat us.  Silence may mean acceptance.

  1.  If someone is calling you names (unpleasant one) other than your birth name, remind them of your name and decide if this is a relationship worth keeping.  Do not assume that “he or she will get better if I just give him or her more time
  2. If someone is hitting you or abusing you in any way, assess if staying with this person is confirming how you want to be treated.
  3.  If you only hear from someone when they want something, or you feel you are always calling or initiating activities with this person, then maybe you need to assess the relationship and decide how you want to be treated.

Friends should lift you up instead of tear you down.  Your personal development should be just as important to your friends as your personal development is to you.  We may not get to choose who our family members are, but we can sure choose how we want the relationships to be.  Just because someone is family, does not mean that he or she has the right to belittle/bully you.  You set the standard.

We always have a choice to set the standards/boundaries for our relationship.  If you want to be treated better by others, treat yourself better first.  You are the example.  Others will either keep walking or stay to get to know the extraordinary person you truly are.

I have always felt that I should not have to force someone to like me or treat me well.  I can, however, show ot how I want to be treated.

Heal within,

Laugh, live, and love

Timika