What Treasures Did I Uncover From Early Childhood Disappointment?

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I loved playing in the streets as a child. We didn’t have to worry about a lot of traffic entering and exiting our streets, for at the end of our street was a large field extending for miles and an alley that ran alongside it. 

Sometime after the secret, several kids including myself, were outside playing in the streets. Somehow S, one of the two male family members who misused my body, made it over in front of me. All of a sudden, he turned around and wasn’t smiling anymore. He said “it wasn’t that bad.” For a minute, I stood there in disbelief. First of all, he denied his involvement in my sexual abuse experience since day one. Second of all, he downplayed what he already denied. But, in that moment, I knew his denial had nothing to do with me. I did the right thing in telling the truth. 

I didn’t know what integrity meant at the time, but I knew I didn’t want to spend a lot of time on either end (not telling the truth and causing someone to think something so big was so small of an issue). No child should ever experience sexual abuse or ever feel that being forced and manipulated to do something is no big deal. 

How did I turn S’s denial and minimization of my experience with childhood sexual abuse?

  1. I faced what I didn’t like. I was more grateful about J showing me who I didn’t want to be. Then, I knew who I wanted to be.
  2. I practiced telling the truth as much as possible from something simple as the color of grass to my emotions and every day situations. 
  3. I remembered how it felt to have someone minimize my emotions, feelings, and body (mental construct). No one should ever feel like an outcast for telling the truth. I tried my best to include others (classmates, friends, new kids on the block, to coworkers)in whatever I was doing. 

My childhood sexual abuse experienced uncovered several treasures, including:

1. The “what I say to you. I say to me” principle. If I encourage you to do something, I should be doing it myself.

2. As a child, I prayed to see the innocence in people. I did not want my heart to harden because of what someone else did. Oh man! This one hit me again. It’s easy to judge people when you feel like they have disappointed you. 

As I focused on the treasures of the disappointment, I continued to chip away at the guilt, shame, and other emotions and feelings lingering from my experience with childhood sexual abuse. 

We do not have to live with anger, blame, guilt, shame, resentment, and vengeance. Embrace the experience and know there are treasures waiting for you. 

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7, NIV)

Thank you for reading my post!

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com by clicking the link below.

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How You Can Regain Your Sense of Self-Worth After An Unwanted Experience

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All of us experience some form of disappointment in our lives. But how do we recover from broken expectations and prevent further damage to our self-worth? 

Here are four steps to help you remember your worth.

  1. You acknowledge the experience for what it is. You don’t need to pretty up the story or tell a different story to achieve inner peace. Many of the emotions (anger, etc.)and feelings (incompetent, etc.) we experience come from denying reality.
  2. Part ways psychologically and physically, if you can. You decide the life you want to live and set the standard for future experiences (relationships, employment, and other areas of your life).
  3. Learn from your experiences. Early on, I chose the student approach to life instead of always seeing myself as the victim. Self-empowerment comes from learning how to navigate life based on what you learn from previous experiences. 
  4. Create moments of stillness to reflect on lessons learned. Throughout my day, I take time to reflect on my experiences. Stillness is not about where you are but achieving inner peace despite where you are. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful for quiet moments, but sometimes I can’t wait until the kids go to bed or go outside on the deck to achieve calmness.
  5. Focus on what you learned instead of the person (teacher) who reminded you of something you already knew. What is the message out of your experience that you needed to know?

We can turn broken expectations into opportunities by not taking our experiences personally, separating our worth from experience, setting our life navigation on learning, and creating time to reflect on what we learned and not our teacher.

Thank you for reading my post!

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

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Call Me By My Name

I never liked labels. Early on, our mother taught us to call people by their names, a principle she learned through her personal experience with teasing and through someone she loved. 

During my mother’s childhood, people teased her about her “skinny legs.” She shared her disappointment with her father. Then, he shared his story of being teased about the size of his head. She never forgot what it felt like to be teased or her father’s lingering pain from childhood; therefore, she was passionate about reinforcing her principle to call people by their name.

When some family members described an out-of-town family member, they described her by saying she was “crazy.” When I met the family member, I realized that she was not crazy; she was misunderstood. But, I saw the impact of other’s opinions on her identity. I saw the pain in her eyes; there was more to the wounds she had.

When I graduated from nursing school, some people referred to me as a “nurse.” I didn’t like that label either. I just wanted to be Timika, a person that is more than her experience. Part of what helped me to move forward from childhood sexual abuse, was avoiding labels based on fear.

For the first time I watched approximately 40 minutes of Oprah’s new show The Me You Can’t See, last night. Unfortunately, we live in a world in which people project their fears and insecurities on others. I believe many of our adulthood issues stem from our childhood wounds often projected by others. At some point, we believe that others’ opinions mean more than what we think of ourselves. Fortunately, illusions do not stand up to the Truth. The Truth is in us and waiting for us to recognize that we are not what others think of us.

Our parents had reasons for choosing our names, including in memory of a loved one, someone they admired, or the love of a particular name). Who am I to trash over that name? Now, I admit that I am not an expert at remembering names, but I do try. I go further in seeing beyond a person’s name. I see a person who matters and is here for a divine reason.

We are all on a journey of self expression and identification. Especially in childhood we need time to figure ourselves out without the opposition of others. In the same breath, we must know we can’t stop others from talking. As my mother told us, “as long as people have a tongue they will talk.”

Although I learn from my experiences, I am not my experiences. I am not my detours in life, career, profession, or trade. I am not your opinion or stereotype of who I should be. I am not the color of my skin. I am a divine spirit in a unique human form with a mission to complete just like you.

We must know who we are so we do not fall for who we aren’t. You are more than your experiences. You are here for a purpose.

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

I would love for you to be a part of my community bent on healing from the inside out, achieving and sustaining the best health possible, and reuniting with our divine purpose, which is the Light within us.

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