Freedom from Apology
I am going to be the best
That I can be
With or without an apology.
I am worthy and deserve respect
There is no one who can deny that fact.
I release my anger, fear, guilt
Resentment, shame, and tension.
After all that I have been through,
They deserve to be mentioned.
I let go of the pain,
Mental and spiritual
It can weigh me down
Til there is no more physical
I forgive all of the perceived wrongs
Done to me,
I have to let them go and set myself free
Because I am going to be
The best that I can be
With or without an apology.
My husband and I rented a movie from the local Drugmart a week or so ago, and I cannot get out of my mind how this person wanted to be and do things (play the piano proficiently, wanted more action in his life, and kept dreaming of his life being different). He was brainwashed to believe that he was someone else and led a life that confirmed it. He worked for a company he did not like and was bored of the work. His life did not change until he took a chance….. until he ventured out to at least be in a fantasy world and be who he wanted to be. They were going to knock him out with an injection, and he could, momentarily, be in a fantasy life…the life he wanted.. It was crazy because even his “wife” who knew the truth and would eventually try to kill him, played into who he was not…just as long as he believed who he was not.
My husband text me today about how a mass murder occurred on the same date I was born. He further wrote me about how that same person was told that he would never be anything like his brother. It confirmed, to me, that one’s childhood is a very critical period and it matters how you label your child when he is young. It matters in the names you call your children. It matters who your child becomes because who your child becomes affects the life of others literally and possibly painfully. Our words can be hurtful. Our anger can be contagious. We have to be more conscious of who and what our child hears and sees. Do not let anybody define you. Know who you are.
I am still trying to figure out the name of the movie…
I am very thankful for my mother and the words of wisdom she has shared throughout the years. She has been there for me through the good and not so good times. As I take on the role of parenthood, I think more and more about the principles I want to share with my son. I know that in order to truly share them with my son, I must emulate them. I have to be what I talk about.
I want to add something good to this world, and my mother has been the very inspiration that I need to do this. I am so grateful for her openness and willingness to talk to her children about life. I remember thinking as a child how grateful I was to have a parent who talked to me and helped me formulate values and principles to live by. It may have been the stress of being a single parent or that she loved us so much that sparked the importance of communication in her.
One of the big principles that I think about daily is to be grateful for what I have. We did not grow up with a lot; however, our basic needs were met, and I am forever grateful for this. I learned to take care of what I have, and I am well known for taking care of myself and my belongings no matter how long my belongings will be in my possession.