Lesson 10

Is it beneficial to continue the same familial behaviors “just because that is the way it has always been done.” “My mother, father, grandmother, aunt, uncle and everyone else did it this way, so I will, too.”

Are we carrying comfort, joy, love, peace into the next generations or anger, bitterness, disappointments, or hatred into next generations? Are we researching to see if there is a better strategy to getting something done? For example, I read online how many parents are using meditation to help their child confront negative behaviors and adapt more positive behaviors through self-reflection and inner wisdom instead of whipping their children.
Ultimately, are we becoming the best person we know how to be and helping our children to do the same?
What would your answer be to the below questions?

1. If you have been diagnosed with diabetes and had a family member to die because of diabetes complications, should you stop preventative behaviors (checking your blood sugar, eating healthy and in moderation, consistent physical activity) because you believe that you will die of the same complications, too.  Why or why not?

Are you upset that your mother did not take better care of her health and left you at a young age that you vow to never have children?

2. If your parents whipped you with a switch until your skin split open and started bleeding, should you discipline your children the same way? Why or why not?

3. If your father stayed at a job until retirement, regretting that he never pursued what he was passionate about, should you do the same? Why or why not?

4. If you were raised by a single parent, and one of your parents was not there for you throughout your childhood, should you be the same way to your children? Why or why not?

5. If your mother never served home cooked meals, and you frequently visited drive thru or sit in restaurants, should you not learn how to cook for your family? Why or why not?

6. If your mother never graduated from high school, should you settle for dropping out of high school and never pursue a college degree, even though you want to be a nurse? Why or why not?

7. If you believe that you were not loved by your parents, and you had a dysfunctional household, should you withhold love from your children (no hugs, kisses, or compassion shown)?

8. If you believe that you raised yourself, should you set the same expectations for your child?
9. If you were locked in a room for two hours a day anytime you did something your parents did not like, should you do the same to your child?

We have the knowledge and the power to make better choices for ourselves and our family. We can always seek experts in the field (Diabetes educator, healthcare providers, dietitians, parenting coaches, online organizations/ support groups to make better life choices. If something bothered you or just did not feel right as a child, why continue the same behaviors? Our actions and inactions can have a direct or indirect influence on our children, schools, communities, and the world.
For example, angry children can become angry adults. Angry adults can become angry employees, employers, wives, husbands, policeman, firefighters, nurses, doctors, etc. If the anger is left unchecked, well, you know what can happen.

What we do behind closed doors, do not stay behind closed doors.

Heal within,

Timika

We always have a choice.

From the ground up, we choose how we want something to effect us. We choose if we want to be better and grow or if we want to be bitter and stagnate and possibly die as a result of our uncontrolled emotions and thoughts. We choose to live or slowly cause or own destruction. We choose to live and experience happiness or hold on to anger, frustration, guilt, sadness, or worry which can lead to overwhelming stress and possibly cause a heart attack, stroke, or a “rare” health condition. Your mind reacts and so does your body.

Is anyone or anything worth that pain and worth your life and right to live?

Timika

Mondays: Inspired by mom

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”
Voltaire

I never wanted an illness or death to be the motivation for me to appreciate loved ones or do the things I know I should do. I knew at a very young age that we had a great mother.  Regardless of what she had been through, she chose to be there for her children in every way that she could.  After working long hours at a local store or any job that she had, she would make time to be present for events.  She would be there to support my brother at home basketball games. She would take us to lunch before working an 8 hour plus shift.  We would routinely go shopping (at Ventures or Grandpa’s) and even walk around Cahokia Mounds on Sundays.  I can still taste the sub sandwiches we used to get at Grandpa’s.

Our mother instinctively knew the importance of structure and routine.  Mother rarely made excuses, and she expected the same from her children. She did what she had to do to make sure we had a roof over our head, shoes on our feet, food to eat, clothes to wear, and beds to sleep in.

Mother took it upon herself to leave an unhealthy marriage for something better.  She knew that if she did not leave her current situation that something bad was going to happen. She would either be in jail or no longer around to care for us.  She wanted more, and although she did not know what the future held, she made a change.  She took a step into the unknown.

Take the first step in faith.  You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step- Martin Luther King

She was never shy about telling us her story; she wanted us to learn from her life lessons and pursue the life that we were meant to have.  She wanted us to have a better life.

I have tried to keep her life principles close to heart.  I have often said that it is not so much about the number of parents in the home, but more about the quality of parenting.  You can grow up in a home with the father or mother being physically there, but emotionally and socially absent.

She was never religious, and encouraged us to care more about the heart of a man than the religion or church someone belonged to. Although she kept a bible close, we never felt like she preached to us.  She was honest and told the truth, which was natural to her.  It was not about what was pleasing to our ears: her talks were meant to feed our Soul. 

Mother believes that we should do what we can to help others have a better life.  We must not continue the same cycle of negative behavior.  What good is that?

“I may have not had it, but I want my grandkids to have it”-Thelma Jones

My Monday blog posts will be dedicated to my mother.  I will share her life lessons and hope that I will continue to educate, empower, inspire, and positively transform my life and the life of others.

As always, please feel free to share your thoughts, including your life lessons.

Timika