I am confident that we can only be and do what we internalize. If we think we are powerless, then we will be indecisive and stand in confusion. We will allow negative seeds to penetrate our subconscious and become “someone unlike ourselves.” If we believe we are strong, then our choices, majority of the time, we will eat healthy foods, spend quiet time alone, and be active.
It was easier for me when I was younger to see the tests of life. I must remind myself to ask what is it that life wants to strengthen in me instead of feeling sorry for myself or feel that someone is attacking me.
Over the years, anger, fear, guilt, shame, and resentment were frequent companions. Even after receiving & accepting the thought that life experiences produces character, I still permitted the dark side to seduce me at times.
On my 21st birthday, I sat in the tub and cried. I felt that I was growing up too fast and had not accomplished some of the things I wanted.
It would take me a few years to realize that I wasn’t fulfilled living someone else’s life—my mother’s dream of becoming a nurse. My commitment to becoming a nurse stemmed from my father’s interference with her dream of becoming a nurse and the need to program my navigation system with a sense of purpose after years of sexual abuse.
But, I never let go of the truth that there are no coincidences. Every experience and emotion helped me to find my way back to my Self. My faith in a higher power and my student perspective to life kept me going.
1. Anger- I would not desire my truth and to build a character foundation.
2. Fear- I would not know the difference between what I want and don’t want.
3. Guilt-I would not know what forgiveness and innocence mean.
3. Shame- I would not resolve to strengthen my weaker parts.
4. Resentment- I would not know what it means to focus on my life.
5. Vengeance- I would not know compassion and that every human is here to learn something.
Although I can list many reasons to justify my anger, I choose to move in the direction of light. The only monster there is, is the one I create by not managing my emotions effectively. Who I create is often who and what I attract.
Am I better or worse for my emotions? When I feel that they serve an underlying purpose to unite me with my purpose, I can only be better.
Now, amid the coronavirus pandemic, I am becoming me. I am no longer fearful of dying with my Truth. I am determined to live my Truth.
Make this lifetime great one moment, one day at a time.
Timika S Chambers
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