What Treasures Did I Uncover From Early Childhood Disappointment?

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I loved playing in the streets as a child. We didn’t have to worry about a lot of traffic entering and exiting our streets, for at the end of our street was a large field extending for miles and an alley that ran alongside it. 

Sometime after the secret, several kids including myself, were outside playing in the streets. Somehow S, one of the two male family members who misused my body, made it over in front of me. All of a sudden, he turned around and wasn’t smiling anymore. He said “it wasn’t that bad.” For a minute, I stood there in disbelief. First of all, he denied his involvement in my sexual abuse experience since day one. Second of all, he downplayed what he already denied. But, in that moment, I knew his denial had nothing to do with me. I did the right thing in telling the truth. 

I didn’t know what integrity meant at the time, but I knew I didn’t want to spend a lot of time on either end (not telling the truth and causing someone to think something so big was so small of an issue). No child should ever experience sexual abuse or ever feel that being forced and manipulated to do something is no big deal. 

How did I turn S’s denial and minimization of my experience with childhood sexual abuse?

  1. I faced what I didn’t like. I was more grateful about J showing me who I didn’t want to be. Then, I knew who I wanted to be.
  2. I practiced telling the truth as much as possible from something simple as the color of grass to my emotions and every day situations. 
  3. I remembered how it felt to have someone minimize my emotions, feelings, and body (mental construct). No one should ever feel like an outcast for telling the truth. I tried my best to include others (classmates, friends, new kids on the block, to coworkers)in whatever I was doing. 

My childhood sexual abuse experienced uncovered several treasures, including:

1. The “what I say to you. I say to me” principle. If I encourage you to do something, I should be doing it myself.

2. As a child, I prayed to see the innocence in people. I did not want my heart to harden because of what someone else did. Oh man! This one hit me again. It’s easy to judge people when you feel like they have disappointed you. 

As I focused on the treasures of the disappointment, I continued to chip away at the guilt, shame, and other emotions and feelings lingering from my experience with childhood sexual abuse. 

We do not have to live with anger, blame, guilt, shame, resentment, and vengeance. Embrace the experience and know there are treasures waiting for you. 

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7, NIV)

Thank you for reading my post!

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com by clicking the link below.

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How To Walk Instead of Jumping The Expectation Hurdles

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Often mother would say, “as long as people have a tongue, they will talk. Pay attention to their actions.” My mother was not telling us not to trust people but to leave some space between expectations and realizations. The Webster dictionary defines expect as 1. to consider probable or certain. 2. to consider reasonable due or necessary 3. to consider bound in duty or obligated. 4. to anticipate or look forward to the coming or occurrence. Other definitions include await, look forward, suppose, stay, or think, or wait (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/expect). When I read the above definitions, I thought no wonder expectations could negatively affect us. We bound and wait for someone to do their duty. No wonder many of us put up with certain behaviors. We wait and hope the other person change without doing anything on our part.

Often, we put up with how others treat us and hope for the best. We hope someday soon they see the Light. But, the days, months, and years continue to be the same. We make excuses for people. They are stressed, unhappy, in pain, or others, and we end up stressed, unhappy, in pain, resentful, and others. We may even blame ourselves for what someone else does. How does that last sentence sound to you? We blame ourselves for what we cannot control in the first place.

Between the ages of 5–10, I waited for the two family members who misused my body, and I waited for them to do the right thing. What I learned was I had to speak up for myself to change my situation. I couldn’t wait on the two family members to decide my fate any longer. And, I continued to use my voice and legs to change and free myself from situations that did not benefit me. 

I didn’t want to keep jumping the hurdles. Instead, I exited the experience and kept walking.

As you know actions speak louder than words, and when people keep showing you they are not on the same level, it’s time to change. And I believe we don’t have to hurt others to make our requests known.

  1. Please pay attention to the actions of a person and their words. Do their actions and words match?
  2. Use your voice to tell someone how you feel and let others know about it. Keep speaking until someone believes you and helps you do something about the situation, especially if you are in an abusive situation.
  3. Remind people of your shared goal. Sometimes we get off track (personal, family, and other situations), and a friendly reminder is all we need.
  4. Make sure your actions and words match (living with integrity). I believe we do attract who we are. When we think less of ourselves, someone or something may try to prove our low sense of self-worth.

You deserve joy and peace. You are more than your experiences.

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com by clicking the link below.

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How To Let Go Of Expectations

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Hi there! I hope you are having a relaxing Sunday. We are heading into a new week, and we are still under our June theme, Truth. As you know, truth is a critical component to healing from the inside out. This week, I am focusing on the word, expectations. Expectations are often assumptions we have about people. 

We have all expectations about how someone should be, speak, live, and even treat us. We hold many people in high regard, including our parents, aunts, uncles, coaches, teachers, and employers. But are we trying to control the uncontrollable? And, are we doing more harm than good when we blindly accept people will do, speak, and think the way we want them to, even if our beliefs and thoughts are based on what they have said or shown us. 

As you know, human beings aren’t robots. Many people are walking around with unhealed wounds and are seeing the world out of the lenses of their pain. 

At 5 years old, I expected the adults in my life to guide, love, and protect me from harm. My father was an alcoholic and abused my mother. Two male family members misused my body. I’ve had several other experiences when I wanted someone to be a certain way, and they weren’t, including myself. But, pain can be a great teacher of letting go of expectations.

As you know, stress is considered to be the cause of many health conditions, including rare and autoimmune disorders. It makes sense to me that when we feel attacked and a drop in our self-worth, we consciously or subconsciously insert an attack program on our bodies. But, often, what people do and say has nothing to do with us and everything to do with their pain.

Now, I’m not minimizing the brilliancy of our bodies. I know the peace of mind is a great healer to the body and chronic stress impairs the body from doing what it naturally does. The body can restore itself, but when we harbor anger, disappointment, and resentment towards others for not being who we want them to be, we add more stress to our bodies.

Here are three things to consider the next time you have expectations about someone. 

  1. No one owes you anything. Even contracts are broken. When we assume people will act a certain way, we set ourselves up for disappointment. We can hope for the best, but someone’s actions or inactions must not affect our inner state of peace.
  2. Just because someone wants to do the right thing doesn’t mean they always will. Desire is important but not the only requirement for action. Therefore, we come to my next point.
  3. As long as people have a tongue, they will talk. My mother taught us to pay more attention to action instead of words. I often say to myself, that’s nice you feel that way, but I wait for their actions to tell me where they are. Many decisions are based on emotions, and when the emotions level off, for some, the commitment does, too.

As you know, we have control over our actions and thoughts. We can only show others how we want to be treated and make adjustments in our life if they do not adhere to our standards. I’d rather do away with expectations and give people the space to realize their growing points.

To be free of expectations is not holding people accountable. If someone does what they say they are going to do, then they do. But, do not tie yourself up with anger, disappointment, resentment, and other emotions that can damage you. Your health is way more important than someone keeping their word. 

You deserve more because you are more than your experiences. 

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to my newsletters by entering your email below.

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