I Didn’t Know
Posted on June 2, 2021 Leave a Comment
As a child, I didn’t know:
- what bullying, manipulation, incestual sexual abuse, and sexual assault meant.
- I needed to heal from childhood sexual abuse.
- Individuals who experienced childhood sexual abuse were at an increased risk of dropping out of high school and experience anxiety, depression, insomnia, teenage pregnancy, and substance abuse.
- Being in an abusive environment increased my risk of being abused.
Therefore, I relied on what I believed, heard, and saw.
I believed:
- I was here for a purpose.
- True Love is possible.
- Life had more to show me.
- I am a student of life.
I heard:
- The Voice of reason within me. I had a connection to something greater than me, and I needed to listen.
- My mother’s life principles including giving from the heart, living another day, cleaning your heart, taking care of what you have so God could bless you with more, listening, and how you do not need to create the past.
- Positive reinforcement from my mother, brothers, other family members, friends, and teachers
I saw:
- The two family members and many others get on with their lives, so I chose to get on with mine.
- Beautiful, poised, strong trees endure extreme temperatures, and each year, they looked better than the last one.
- Character traits I wanted and did not want in movies and television shows.
In my case, what I didn’t know, helped me. I dug deep within and called out for nature’s help. I do not minimize any experience anyone goes through. I know how important it is to understand how something affected us, but, I know our beliefs and what we hear and see impact our healing path from traumatic experiences.
Research and statistics have their place, but you do not have to put limits on how you should feel, respond, and think about your life experiences.
Make this lifetime great!
You deserve it!
Timika
MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES
P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.
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Blaming My Father Was Not The Answer
Posted on June 1, 2021 Leave a Comment
As you know, anger, fear, guilt, shame, resentment, vengeance, and their magnetizing companions can feel unbearable at times. But, I knew that after the sexual abuse secret was out, I had to do something. I didn’t want to end up doing to others what the two family members did to me. Although my family and I continued to live close to J and S (the two family members who sexually abused me), I had to part ways from my entire experience with childhood sexual abuse emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
It’s so easy to blame others for their actions and inactions, but I realized blaming adds more weight to the load that I am already carrying.
Sometime after the secret was out, I was walking in the middle of our street one day. A thought came to me. If my father were around, maybe the abuse would not have happened. Within a matter of seconds, I came to my sense, for there were no guarantees that my father’s presence would have saved me. He was consumed with his internal battles.
Now, I was still angry at my father, for my mother struggled to provide a roof over our head, feed us, and other necessities of life.Â
But, eventually, the anger towards my father turned into compassion because I knew his absence was not about me, my mother, or my brothers. For years, anger covered up the love I felt for him. I wanted my father in my life, but I later accepted that he would not be the father I wanted him to be. I had to heal that wound, and it took time, but it was worth it.
The blessing out of my relationship with my father is that I knew the type of parent I didn’t want to be, and I hoped to find a man who was unlike him. Later, I learned that we all are moving through some pain. Plus, my father missed out on guiding, loving, and protecting three beautiful spirits. My father was and is not a bad person. My father, just like J and S, was in pain and didn’t know how to deal with their pain.
Pain does not have to continue to callous hearts, dismantle the family concept, or infect generations. I could waste my precious energy, money, and time blaming my father or accepting him as he is. Nowadays, I pray for my father instead of blaming him. I hope he heals from the inside out, finding the peace that surpasses understanding.
By accepting, acknowledging, and confronting my pain, I moved on with my life to be present for two beautiful spirits. I unloaded a lot of baggage so that I could have a clear view of my desired life. I want our children and others to know that healing is possible and that pain is not be carried but released. Life is to be lived.
Thanks for reading!
Make this lifetime great!
Timika
P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.
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Your Individualized Healing Path Depends On…..
Posted on May 29, 2021 Leave a Comment
How we respond to our pain becomes the lenses to how we interpret our emotions, experiences, feelings, and thoughts. Like physical symptoms, our mental symptoms provide the necessary input to help us heal.
Since I was a young girl, I loved walking. Sometimes, I would walk in the house, in our front yard, or to the park. There is something about putting one foot in front of the other and receiving clarity of thought.
Sometime after my experience with incestual sexual abuse ended, as I was walking in the living room, a thought came to me. “Life is about building character.” Then, I thought life experiences test my character. I needed to work on myself instead of spending time rehashing what happened. On that day, the student approach to life was birthed.
When the thoughts of feeling like trash and being scared of men came to me, I realized who I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to spend a lifetime of suffering. I wanted to enjoy my life, for I felt it was my right to do so.
When I felt angry, disappointed, guilty, shameful, resentful, and vengeful, I allowed myself to feel my emotions and feelings. Somehow I knew that denying my experience with sexual abuse and how I felt were not helpful to me. As a student of life, I needed to accept my entire childhood sexual abuse experience.
Thankfully, I didn’t know what sexual abuse, incestual abuse, and manipulation meant as a child. Not labeling my experience helped me to focus on being who I wanted to be.
As time went on, I realized that my emotions, feelings, and thoughts were not to hurt me but to help me heal from the inside out. I didn’t make excuses for the two family members or myself. I accepted and acknowledged my part for keeping the dark secret.
All of us have the potential to heal. Our healing path depends a lot on how we perceive our mental symptoms and the world. If we believe others are out to get us, then we are a victim. If we believe that our mind and body are against us, we will see them as traitors and treat them as such.
But, if we truly believe that our mind and body are speaking to us to heal us, we are moving along the path to accepting ourselves, including our past.
The more we deny what happened to us, the more we prolong what is rightfully ours.
There is an individualized healing path leading us out of the dark wilderness of childhood sexual abuse to the other side of pain. Acceptance and love are waiting for you.
How long we prolong our divine right to heal and enjoy our gift of life is up to us. If no one has told you, I am telling you that your story matters and so does your healing. I know that healing is possible and a process and you deserve every moment of joy, freedom, and living your best life.
May you find your healing path and reunite with your purpose in life. You deserve it!
Timika
MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES
P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.
