Breaking The Tradition of Learned Responses

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Over time, we’ve observed various responses to many situations. Whether it was an angry outburst, crying, the quiet treatment, or throwing something, we internalized many emotions because we thought these emotions were “the right way to act.” Many of us are angry, fearful, resentment, and we don’t know why. Sometimes, when others inquire why we respond a certain way, we answer with the phrase, “that’s just the way I am.”

At some point in our lives, we may have heard those closest to us say things like 1. Children should be seen and not heard. 2. You should never let someone see you sweat. 3. Only weak people cry. 4. Don’t say too much. People may think you are weird. Okay. Maybe you haven’t heard the last one.

As you know, achieving self-awareness and overall wellness is not about blaming others but getting to the cause of why we do the things we do. The more we know about ourselves, the more we face our emotional triggers, choose the response that aligns with us, and transcend our experiences. We also start a brand new cycle of emotional responses. If you have children, around children, or remember being a child, then you know children record everything you do and say.

Much of the faulty programming we internalized as a child (and adult)is playing out right now and affecting our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. When we are not expressing our truths (what we know is right), unhealthy emotions (anger, guilt, resentment, shame, and others) build inside us.

What are emotions anyway?

According to Merriam-Webster, emotions are:

“1a: a conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body

b: a state of feeling

c: the affective aspect of consciousness: FEELING

2a: EXCITEMENT

b. obsolete: DISTURBANCE.”

Go back and read the last statement in 1a. Our emotions affect how our body works. But the great thing about a healthy brain is that we can reprogram our brain and our body. As you know, when we change our responses, we change our actions.

To replace the programming mentioned in the second paragraph, we can say things like 1 how someone feels matters. People have the right to express themselves without others opposing them. 2. Sweat is a natural body response, and there are things I can do to prevent excessive sweating. Maybe my sweating will help people express themselves without obsessing about how they look. 3. People express their emotions differently, and that’s okay. 4. I only hurt myself if I hold my truth inside of me.

Does your image matter more than your truth?

Often, we steer away from emotions and feelings that contradict our image. If we present ourselves as smart and always have it together, we shove emotions showing our insecurity and vulnerability when trying new things. If others praise us for our looks, we will often do whatever we can to change our looks, steering down the road of self-loathing instead of seeing the beauty in growing older. Ultimately, we are saying, even though I feel this way, I can’t feel this way.

We cannot undo the past, but how do we break the cycle of inexpression to self-expression? How do we say it’s okay to feel what you are feeling?

The key thing to remember is our body is a wonderful machine, and its job is to alert us when we have an issue. The other thing about the body is the more we ignore something that consistently happens, the more the program is reinforced in our body. Hence, anger turns into an angry person. Of course, there is more to an angry state. But, the point is what originally seemed abnormal is now somewhat normal. The same principle applies to high/low blood sugars. The more you ignore high/low blood sugars, the less your body alerts you that your blood sugars are high/low until your body shuts down because it cannot properly function.

Can I change how I respond to situations? Yes!

So, when it comes to our emotions:

  1. We must realize that our emotions are a natural part of being human. After we accept things, then we have the power to change them.
  2. We must examine the root of our emotions. Did you pick up the emotion from someone else without checking to see if that’s how you really feel? There is something to seeking and finding (Matthew 7:7). All questions have answers. Even just asking once puts the question in the universe. I know the universe responds because I have received answers in passing conversations, observing animals and thoughts, listening to songs, watching television, and others.
  3. I encourage you to be open to the answer you receive, even if it is the opposite of what you internalized as a child or from someone close to you. Self-actualization does not mean you are a family tradition traitor. Humans evolve. If technology didn’t evolve, you wouldn’t be reading this post.
  4. Search within and measure your responses against your truth. Who are you? Who do you want to be? How do you want to respond to certain situations? Every emotion is a choice.
  5. Act on your truth. Practice your responses to situations. Use a mirror if you have to. Commit to aligning yourself with your newfound truth with as many experiences as possible.
  6. Please pass on the freedom of expression to the next generation. Instead of telling someone how to act, we encourage them to express themselves. We talk about emotions. The only way cycles are broken if someone realizes they need to be and takes action.

Make this lifetime great! You deserve it!

Thanks for reading my post!

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com by clicking the link below.

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I Didn’t Know

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As a child, I didn’t know:

  1. what bullying, manipulation, incestual sexual abuse, and sexual assault meant. 
  2. I needed to heal from childhood sexual abuse. 
  3. Individuals who experienced childhood sexual abuse were at an increased risk of dropping out of high school and experience anxiety, depression, insomnia, teenage pregnancy, and substance abuse.
  4. Being in an abusive environment increased my risk of being abused.

Therefore, I relied on what I believed, heard, and saw. 

I believed:

  1. I was here for a purpose.
  2. True Love is possible.
  3. Life had more to show me.
  4. I am a student of life.

I heard:

  1. The Voice of reason within me. I had a connection to something greater than me, and I needed to listen. 
  2. My mother’s life principles including giving from the heart, living another day, cleaning your heart, taking care of what you have so God could bless you with more, listening, and how you do not need to create the past.
  3. Positive reinforcement from my mother, brothers, other family members, friends, and teachers

I saw:

  1. The two family members and many others get on with their lives, so I chose to get on with mine.
  2. Beautiful, poised, strong trees endure extreme temperatures, and each year, they looked better than the last one. 
  3. Character traits I wanted and did not want in movies and television shows. 

In my case, what I didn’t know, helped me. I dug deep within and called out for nature’s help. I do not minimize any experience anyone goes through. I know how important it is to understand how something affected us, but, I know our beliefs and what we hear and see impact our healing path from traumatic experiences.

Research and statistics have their place, but you do not have to put limits on how you should feel, respond, and think about your life experiences. 

Make this lifetime great!

You deserve it!

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.

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Create A Generational Cycle Of Love From The Inside Out

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Early on, I began to learn what love is not. I knew that love was not what my father was doing to my mother. The memories of my father emotionally, mentally, and physically abusing my mother have not presented themselves to me. One memory I do have is of my mother sitting on the couch, and her desperately trying to explain something to one police of the two officers. My mother informed me that police visits were frequent occurrences.

Still, I must have seen something to report to another family member that my father was abusing my mother.

Then, at age 5, I found out that forcing, blackmailing, or manipulating someone to have sex with you did not qualify as love, either. You ignore no’s, cries, and the person’s attempt to protect himself or herself.

For years, I searched for True Love, and I compiled a definition of what love is and what love is not. This list is not the whole list, but here are some key points.

Love is not:

hitting,

calling me outside my name,

continuing to hurt me despite my no’s and cries, and attempts to protect myself and stop you from hurting me,

refusing to help me when you see me struggling,

dumping your pain baggage on me,

blaming me for how you feel,

telling me how to think, what to say,

forcing me to do wrong things and against my ethical and moral standards,

refusing to look at my pain, and

refusing to see me as more than trash or something you can dump on.

When I weeded out what love was not, I came up with a list of what I thought love is.

Love is:

loving myself despite what others think of me,

seeing that I have something to offer to the world like you,

calling me by my name,

lending a helping hand when needed,

tuning in to how I am feeling,

permitting me freedom of expression,

honoring body as a vehicle for my divine message,

realizing your pain and seeking help,

wanting everyone to be free,

creating a generational cycle of love,

assessing and stopping generational patterns that are hurting others,

listening to me,

desiring to be cleansed of anger, fear, judgement, and anything in opposition of you respecting me,

striving to understand instead of taking things personally,

seeking the Truth about life and my role in it,

forgiving me when I don’t live up to your standards,

accepting me where I am with their life, and others life-edifying, promoting, and sustaining actions.

Because I know what love is not, I aim to show the next generation what love is. I do not want to continue anything that hurt me and continue all that helped me to believe that my life and voice matter.

You have the opportunity to create a generational cycle of love by:

  1. Reassessing your definition of love and make the necessary changes.
  2. Healing from the inside out. Addressing anger, frustrations, disappointments, expectations, guilt, shame, resentment, and other potentially life-draining emotions and feelings. Make time to regularly check in with yourself and safely express your emotions and feelings. You are worthy of being here because your birth justified your existence.
  3. Treating others how you want to be treated. You accept others where they are. And at the same time, you also show them how I expect to be treated. Your pain is your pain. You can help but refuse to be a dumping ground.
  4. Aiming to understand instead of judge. Everyone is on a journey. We are all trying to figure out how to move through life and experiences.
  5. Congratulating, praising, and supporting others through their journey. Deep inside, we are all still little children who occasionally need to hear a positive word or need a helping hand.

The generational cycle of pain did not occur overnight. But, we have in our power to create the legacy we want.

Make this lifetime great! You have the ability, gifts, talents, and experiences to create a generational cycle of love from the inside out.

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.

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