What Treasures Did I Uncover From Early Childhood Disappointment?

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I loved playing in the streets as a child. We didn’t have to worry about a lot of traffic entering and exiting our streets, for at the end of our street was a large field extending for miles and an alley that ran alongside it. 

Sometime after the secret, several kids including myself, were outside playing in the streets. Somehow S, one of the two male family members who misused my body, made it over in front of me. All of a sudden, he turned around and wasn’t smiling anymore. He said “it wasn’t that bad.” For a minute, I stood there in disbelief. First of all, he denied his involvement in my sexual abuse experience since day one. Second of all, he downplayed what he already denied. But, in that moment, I knew his denial had nothing to do with me. I did the right thing in telling the truth. 

I didn’t know what integrity meant at the time, but I knew I didn’t want to spend a lot of time on either end (not telling the truth and causing someone to think something so big was so small of an issue). No child should ever experience sexual abuse or ever feel that being forced and manipulated to do something is no big deal. 

How did I turn S’s denial and minimization of my experience with childhood sexual abuse?

  1. I faced what I didn’t like. I was more grateful about J showing me who I didn’t want to be. Then, I knew who I wanted to be.
  2. I practiced telling the truth as much as possible from something simple as the color of grass to my emotions and every day situations. 
  3. I remembered how it felt to have someone minimize my emotions, feelings, and body (mental construct). No one should ever feel like an outcast for telling the truth. I tried my best to include others (classmates, friends, new kids on the block, to coworkers)in whatever I was doing. 

My childhood sexual abuse experienced uncovered several treasures, including:

1. The “what I say to you. I say to me” principle. If I encourage you to do something, I should be doing it myself.

2. As a child, I prayed to see the innocence in people. I did not want my heart to harden because of what someone else did. Oh man! This one hit me again. It’s easy to judge people when you feel like they have disappointed you. 

As I focused on the treasures of the disappointment, I continued to chip away at the guilt, shame, and other emotions and feelings lingering from my experience with childhood sexual abuse. 

We do not have to live with anger, blame, guilt, shame, resentment, and vengeance. Embrace the experience and know there are treasures waiting for you. 

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7, NIV)

Thank you for reading my post!

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com by clicking the link below.

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Create A Generational Cycle Of Love From The Inside Out

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Early on, I began to learn what love is not. I knew that love was not what my father was doing to my mother. The memories of my father emotionally, mentally, and physically abusing my mother have not presented themselves to me. One memory I do have is of my mother sitting on the couch, and her desperately trying to explain something to one police of the two officers. My mother informed me that police visits were frequent occurrences.

Still, I must have seen something to report to another family member that my father was abusing my mother.

Then, at age 5, I found out that forcing, blackmailing, or manipulating someone to have sex with you did not qualify as love, either. You ignore no’s, cries, and the person’s attempt to protect himself or herself.

For years, I searched for True Love, and I compiled a definition of what love is and what love is not. This list is not the whole list, but here are some key points.

Love is not:

hitting,

calling me outside my name,

continuing to hurt me despite my no’s and cries, and attempts to protect myself and stop you from hurting me,

refusing to help me when you see me struggling,

dumping your pain baggage on me,

blaming me for how you feel,

telling me how to think, what to say,

forcing me to do wrong things and against my ethical and moral standards,

refusing to look at my pain, and

refusing to see me as more than trash or something you can dump on.

When I weeded out what love was not, I came up with a list of what I thought love is.

Love is:

loving myself despite what others think of me,

seeing that I have something to offer to the world like you,

calling me by my name,

lending a helping hand when needed,

tuning in to how I am feeling,

permitting me freedom of expression,

honoring body as a vehicle for my divine message,

realizing your pain and seeking help,

wanting everyone to be free,

creating a generational cycle of love,

assessing and stopping generational patterns that are hurting others,

listening to me,

desiring to be cleansed of anger, fear, judgement, and anything in opposition of you respecting me,

striving to understand instead of taking things personally,

seeking the Truth about life and my role in it,

forgiving me when I don’t live up to your standards,

accepting me where I am with their life, and others life-edifying, promoting, and sustaining actions.

Because I know what love is not, I aim to show the next generation what love is. I do not want to continue anything that hurt me and continue all that helped me to believe that my life and voice matter.

You have the opportunity to create a generational cycle of love by:

  1. Reassessing your definition of love and make the necessary changes.
  2. Healing from the inside out. Addressing anger, frustrations, disappointments, expectations, guilt, shame, resentment, and other potentially life-draining emotions and feelings. Make time to regularly check in with yourself and safely express your emotions and feelings. You are worthy of being here because your birth justified your existence.
  3. Treating others how you want to be treated. You accept others where they are. And at the same time, you also show them how I expect to be treated. Your pain is your pain. You can help but refuse to be a dumping ground.
  4. Aiming to understand instead of judge. Everyone is on a journey. We are all trying to figure out how to move through life and experiences.
  5. Congratulating, praising, and supporting others through their journey. Deep inside, we are all still little children who occasionally need to hear a positive word or need a helping hand.

The generational cycle of pain did not occur overnight. But, we have in our power to create the legacy we want.

Make this lifetime great! You have the ability, gifts, talents, and experiences to create a generational cycle of love from the inside out.

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.

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