How To Keep Antagonists In A Healthy Perspective?

Why did she treat me that way? Why is he not supporting me? I feel like you don’t want me to succeed in life? 

Often, my mother told us that “everyone has a role to play.” Yet, sometimes, it’s easy to lose sight that both protagonists (supportive people)and antagonists (nonsupportive people) help us live our truths. 

During my childhood, I started seeing the world as one big movie, which helped me to be more observant instead of judgmental. A major component of my healing was realizing everyone had a role to play in my life. People were helping me on a deeper level.

So, many people, including Jesus, experienced obstacles to living out their truths. What about the lives of great leaders such as Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, presidents (John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln), teacher Lou Ann Johnson (Dangerous Minds), and principal Joe Clark (Lean On Me)?

Take a moment and glance over your life. Can you list a few antagonists and protagonists? I bet you came up with a few at least two or three of each. So, the point is that no matter what, we will encounter people who help us accomplish our goals and others who seem to place barriers  (disbelief, inconsistency, harm us emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, spiritually, don’t do what we ask them to do, tell our secrets, make fun of us, create violent acts, betray us, and others) no matter what we do or say.

So, how do we respond to our antagonists? Our response starts in our minds. How do you perceive life and the people in it? 

Here are a few questions to ponder?

  1. Do you believe that everyone has a part to play in your life? Know that you will have people who will not support you. 
  2. Do you believe that you cause people to be upset with you or “fight against you?” Often what people do has nothing to do with us. However, people come into our lives with their experiences and perceptions. Your success may remind them of their doubts and insecurities. 
  3. Does your happiness depend on who supports you or not? The people against you may start supporting you, and the people who supported you may no longer do so. Say no thank you to the emotional rollercoaster and keep believing in yourself and your dream.
  4. Do you believe the universe is out to get you? See the distractions (help to increase your confidence and conviction to purpose) for what they are. Recently, I relearned that everything works together for my good. I have no enemies, just people who are helping me to be more creative, efficient, and perseverant.

Here are a few movies to help clarify the antagonist role. I hope I didn’t give away too much information about the movies if you haven’t seen them. 

  1. Antagonists help us to see we have the skills to succeed in life? Think about the movie, The Last Dragon. Eventually, with the help of Sho’nuff, Leroy realizes the person he was searching for was himself. 
  2. Antagonists help us realize that we are somebody. For example, a small-time boxer thought he was a nobody. Apollo Creed brought out the confidence that Rocky always had.
  3. If Cinderella had not experienced unequal treatment from her stepmother and stepsisters, would she have gone to the ball to meet her Prince and future husband?

We all have antagonists in our life. When we no longer see our antagonists as enemies and more as the jumpstarters to our truth, we are no longer the victim but the student of life. We learn who we are. I do not minimize our trials and tribulations, but I don’t want to make our struggles and antagonists our primary focus. If we focus on people’s actions and inactions, we get stuck. Our primary focus is to carry out our mission in life (your heart’s desire). I don’t want anyone to be stuck, for living is moving forward in life. 

Thanks for reading! If you found this article helpful, please share it with others.

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com by clicking the link below.

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Nothing Happens Overnight

After I graduated from undergraduate and landed an RN position at my place of employment, I moved out of my mother’s and house and found an apartment right off highway 70. During this period of stillness, I started researching child sexual abuse and incest. I learned about child sexual abuse prevalence, risk factors, and short and long term consequences.

I continued to learn more about America’s history, including the treatment of all women. Here is an excerpt from Bent Not Broken, my memoir on what I learned from my sexual abuse experience and how I found my healing path:

“The act of anyone forcing his or her will on another human being, violating the ethical, moral, and sanctity of human life, is nothing new to the world. For centuries, many children, both young and old, were subjugated to abuse and rape and lived with censored voices. Unfortunately, the cycle of unleashed pain and torment continues to callous human hearts,  dismantling the family concept and infecting generations.  The darkness within the world appears to be winning souls, manifesting adversity as damnation instead of a means of uncovering the Light within us.” 

In other words, I learned that I was not the only one, and many children, young and old, after their abuse, kept on moving forward. I am not standing on the shoulders of those before me, but they are guiding me from above, behind, in front, and from both sides. The strength I have to overcome come from generations before me.

Know that you are not alone. If someone else found their healing path, you, too can find yours and move forward with your abilities, gifts, and talents and be the light within a sometimes darkened world.

To be a part of the community that is bent on using child sexual abuse and other adversities as stepping stones to your purpose, sign up for my quarterly newsletters. I share what I am working on, tips to initiate and sustain healthy behaviors, and updates.

To Your Best Health and Life!

Timika S Chambers

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There Is No Telling Where I Would Be If It Wasn’t For My Mother

Early on my mother realized that being in an abusive relationship with our father and her husband came to a life or death situation. She said “someone was going to die.” My mother chose life. In 1980 , several months after her father’s death and one year after her third child, she gathered the three of us, all under the age of 5, two suitcases, and $4,000 and left my father.

I never considered ourselves poor, and we always had food on the table, a roof over our heads, and much more. With everything that I experienced as a child, I know that God gave us the right mother.

Without my mother’s teachings, I don’t know where I would be today. I didn’t focus on not having my biological father in my life or other adversities, but on what I did have and made the best of it.

I am currently editing a memoir, Underestimated: Leaving A Legacy Worth Fighting For where I discuss many of my mother’s life principles and how they have helped me in being the person and mother I want to be. I want to leave a legacy of character and the conviction of leaving the world a better place.

Here are 10 of my mother’s principles I share in my memoir, Underestimated.

  1. Give from the heart and expect nothing in return. We will run into people who may treat us unfairly. Our life is not about what they do, but how we react in the face of adversity.
  2. Be Thankful. Show your gratitude by taking care of what God gives you. God will bless you with more. I have seen this principle in my progression to my first house, children, and health.
  3. Be Bold. No one is greater than me. Ask for what you want.
  4. Live Another Day. If you can hold out until tomorrow, life may surprise you.
  5. Take Care of Yourself. To take care of others, you need to take care of yourself first. When I had pneumonia for the first time in late 2019, I couldn’t be there for my family like I wanted to. This period of unwell and recovery helped me in choosing to get the COVID-19 vaccine.
  6. Take Care Of Home First. If you can’t do something for your own family, how can you do it for others. My belief is I am not a successful unless my children are.
  7. Make No Excuses. Once you accept others and yourself, you can move forward. Denial leads to a lot of unhealthy behaviors and emotions. I didn’t rely on alcohol, drugs, and sex to hide from my past or emotions.
  8. Move Beyond, “I’m sorry.” Anyone can say the words. Action is what really speaks.
  9. Listen. You learn more by listening.
  10. Create The Family You Want. Just because it has always been done a certain way, doesn’t mean you need to continue.

Mothers have the power to shape the world before, during, and after life experiences. We do not have control over every life experience, but we can reinforce the compassion, forgiveness, love, peace, and understanding in our child. A mother’s wisdom can make the trial seem less of a tragedy. I hope I will do the same for my children.

Before you go, please subscribe to be part of the community that is bent on learning from adversity and achieving our purpose.

Make this lifetime great!

No matter your past, you can create a better future.

Timika

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