What Did I Hear In The Dark?

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Often, the emotions surrounding our pain cloud Truth’s accessibility. The myths we hold about life and people continue to blurry the lines between illusion and truth. But, no matter what we are going through, Truth is ready and willing to give us a new set of lenses, even after we reject the Truth.

The first time I heard the Voice of Reason was in Memphis, Tennessee. I was under five years old.

Here is an excerpt from Bent Not Broken, my memoir about my healing path after experiencing childhood sexual abuse.

“Besides my brother and me, there were several children in the bedroom my brother, and I shared. I don’t remember how the conversation started, but several kids started teasing me about being afraid of the dark. So, they shoved me in the closet and somehow prevented me from opening the door. The more the kids laughed, the more I pounded on the door and screamed for them to open the door. All I could see was a slither of light between where the two doors met.

Suddenly, I heard this male voice as if it was speaking through me. I stopped pounding and screaming on the door, and I listened. The Voice told me to sit down on the floor, and someone would be in to rescue me. Shortly after sitting crisscrossed on the floor, I heard another voice through the loud commotion. It was my father. I don’t remember what he said to the other children, but he was angry. Then, the door opened.

When the Voice of Reason responded later to my plea for help out of my sexual abuse experience, I responded by saying I didn’t want to get the nicer one of the two, whom I call S, in trouble. The myths I internalized about family, my elders, and S blurred the lines between right and wrong. After the secret was out, I desired to listen and trust the Voice within me.

I believe we all have access to the Voice of Reason, our inner guide to transcend experiences. But, we must be willing to hear and align our will with the Truth.

If you are in an unwanted situation, may I encourage you to take some time now, if you can, or this weekend to unravel some of the beliefs about yourself? Do you believe you have access to the Truth? Do you believe you deserve a life of joy, love, and peace, or do you believe you deserve chaos, pain, and struggles? Which of the above lenses are you using to see yourself, your experiences, and the world?

Sometimes, we need to change the lenses. But first, we need an examination of our belief system and our thoughts. Are your thoughts helping to keep you in your pain cloud or freeing you to enjoy life despite your circumstances?

Much of our resistance comes from fighting our circumstances instead of allowing the Truth to penetrate our being.  More than ever I realize that although we cannot change the past, Truth is there to bring peace that surpasses understanding.

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

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Call Me By My Name

I never liked labels. Early on, our mother taught us to call people by their names, a principle she learned through her personal experience with teasing and through someone she loved. 

During my mother’s childhood, people teased her about her “skinny legs.” She shared her disappointment with her father. Then, he shared his story of being teased about the size of his head. She never forgot what it felt like to be teased or her father’s lingering pain from childhood; therefore, she was passionate about reinforcing her principle to call people by their name.

When some family members described an out-of-town family member, they described her by saying she was “crazy.” When I met the family member, I realized that she was not crazy; she was misunderstood. But, I saw the impact of other’s opinions on her identity. I saw the pain in her eyes; there was more to the wounds she had.

When I graduated from nursing school, some people referred to me as a “nurse.” I didn’t like that label either. I just wanted to be Timika, a person that is more than her experience. Part of what helped me to move forward from childhood sexual abuse, was avoiding labels based on fear.

For the first time I watched approximately 40 minutes of Oprah’s new show The Me You Can’t See, last night. Unfortunately, we live in a world in which people project their fears and insecurities on others. I believe many of our adulthood issues stem from our childhood wounds often projected by others. At some point, we believe that others’ opinions mean more than what we think of ourselves. Fortunately, illusions do not stand up to the Truth. The Truth is in us and waiting for us to recognize that we are not what others think of us.

Our parents had reasons for choosing our names, including in memory of a loved one, someone they admired, or the love of a particular name). Who am I to trash over that name? Now, I admit that I am not an expert at remembering names, but I do try. I go further in seeing beyond a person’s name. I see a person who matters and is here for a divine reason.

We are all on a journey of self expression and identification. Especially in childhood we need time to figure ourselves out without the opposition of others. In the same breath, we must know we can’t stop others from talking. As my mother told us, “as long as people have a tongue they will talk.”

Although I learn from my experiences, I am not my experiences. I am not my detours in life, career, profession, or trade. I am not your opinion or stereotype of who I should be. I am not the color of my skin. I am a divine spirit in a unique human form with a mission to complete just like you.

We must know who we are so we do not fall for who we aren’t. You are more than your experiences. You are here for a purpose.

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

I would love for you to be a part of my community bent on healing from the inside out, achieving and sustaining the best health possible, and reuniting with our divine purpose, which is the Light within us.

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One Voice Saves Lives

Continue reading “One Voice Saves Lives”