How To Let Go Of Expectations

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Hi there! I hope you are having a relaxing Sunday. We are heading into a new week, and we are still under our June theme, Truth. As you know, truth is a critical component to healing from the inside out. This week, I am focusing on the word, expectations. Expectations are often assumptions we have about people. 

We have all expectations about how someone should be, speak, live, and even treat us. We hold many people in high regard, including our parents, aunts, uncles, coaches, teachers, and employers. But are we trying to control the uncontrollable? And, are we doing more harm than good when we blindly accept people will do, speak, and think the way we want them to, even if our beliefs and thoughts are based on what they have said or shown us. 

As you know, human beings aren’t robots. Many people are walking around with unhealed wounds and are seeing the world out of the lenses of their pain. 

At 5 years old, I expected the adults in my life to guide, love, and protect me from harm. My father was an alcoholic and abused my mother. Two male family members misused my body. I’ve had several other experiences when I wanted someone to be a certain way, and they weren’t, including myself. But, pain can be a great teacher of letting go of expectations.

As you know, stress is considered to be the cause of many health conditions, including rare and autoimmune disorders. It makes sense to me that when we feel attacked and a drop in our self-worth, we consciously or subconsciously insert an attack program on our bodies. But, often, what people do and say has nothing to do with us and everything to do with their pain.

Now, I’m not minimizing the brilliancy of our bodies. I know the peace of mind is a great healer to the body and chronic stress impairs the body from doing what it naturally does. The body can restore itself, but when we harbor anger, disappointment, and resentment towards others for not being who we want them to be, we add more stress to our bodies.

Here are three things to consider the next time you have expectations about someone. 

  1. No one owes you anything. Even contracts are broken. When we assume people will act a certain way, we set ourselves up for disappointment. We can hope for the best, but someone’s actions or inactions must not affect our inner state of peace.
  2. Just because someone wants to do the right thing doesn’t mean they always will. Desire is important but not the only requirement for action. Therefore, we come to my next point.
  3. As long as people have a tongue, they will talk. My mother taught us to pay more attention to action instead of words. I often say to myself, that’s nice you feel that way, but I wait for their actions to tell me where they are. Many decisions are based on emotions, and when the emotions level off, for some, the commitment does, too.

As you know, we have control over our actions and thoughts. We can only show others how we want to be treated and make adjustments in our life if they do not adhere to our standards. I’d rather do away with expectations and give people the space to realize their growing points.

To be free of expectations is not holding people accountable. If someone does what they say they are going to do, then they do. But, do not tie yourself up with anger, disappointment, resentment, and other emotions that can damage you. Your health is way more important than someone keeping their word. 

You deserve more because you are more than your experiences. 

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to my newsletters by entering your email below.

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A Sunday Refresh

Hi there!
I hope you are refueling yourself with some relaxation! When you reflect on the past, do you see your strengths or weaknesses? Do you see pain or even little moments of happiness?
Somewhere in you is the joy, peace, and love that transcends your experiences.


Are you looking for yourself today? Are you reuniting with your inner child who has dreams and hopes for a better life? Are you letting your past and current circumstances kill your convictions and inspirations or shut down the whisper that says “you are worthy of your dreams?”

You deserve joy, love, and to fulfill your purpose. You decide who and what you want from your experiences.

Take time to remember the child within and a moment to separate yourself from your experiences.

Make this lifetime great! Today, remember who you are.

Timika Chambers

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com by clicking the link below.

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What Did I Hear In The Dark?

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Often, the emotions surrounding our pain cloud Truth’s accessibility. The myths we hold about life and people continue to blurry the lines between illusion and truth. But, no matter what we are going through, Truth is ready and willing to give us a new set of lenses, even after we reject the Truth.

The first time I heard the Voice of Reason was in Memphis, Tennessee. I was under five years old.

Here is an excerpt from Bent Not Broken, my memoir about my healing path after experiencing childhood sexual abuse.

“Besides my brother and me, there were several children in the bedroom my brother, and I shared. I don’t remember how the conversation started, but several kids started teasing me about being afraid of the dark. So, they shoved me in the closet and somehow prevented me from opening the door. The more the kids laughed, the more I pounded on the door and screamed for them to open the door. All I could see was a slither of light between where the two doors met.

Suddenly, I heard this male voice as if it was speaking through me. I stopped pounding and screaming on the door, and I listened. The Voice told me to sit down on the floor, and someone would be in to rescue me. Shortly after sitting crisscrossed on the floor, I heard another voice through the loud commotion. It was my father. I don’t remember what he said to the other children, but he was angry. Then, the door opened.

When the Voice of Reason responded later to my plea for help out of my sexual abuse experience, I responded by saying I didn’t want to get the nicer one of the two, whom I call S, in trouble. The myths I internalized about family, my elders, and S blurred the lines between right and wrong. After the secret was out, I desired to listen and trust the Voice within me.

I believe we all have access to the Voice of Reason, our inner guide to transcend experiences. But, we must be willing to hear and align our will with the Truth.

If you are in an unwanted situation, may I encourage you to take some time now, if you can, or this weekend to unravel some of the beliefs about yourself? Do you believe you have access to the Truth? Do you believe you deserve a life of joy, love, and peace, or do you believe you deserve chaos, pain, and struggles? Which of the above lenses are you using to see yourself, your experiences, and the world?

Sometimes, we need to change the lenses. But first, we need an examination of our belief system and our thoughts. Are your thoughts helping to keep you in your pain cloud or freeing you to enjoy life despite your circumstances?

Much of our resistance comes from fighting our circumstances instead of allowing the Truth to penetrate our being.  More than ever I realize that although we cannot change the past, Truth is there to bring peace that surpasses understanding.

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

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