How Do You Create The Circle Of Influence You Need After A Traumatic Experience?
Posted on June 28, 2021 2 Comments
We are in the last few days of June. In the last week of the month, I focus on resources for whatever topic I am discussing. Whatever you are going through, I want you to know you are not alone. Whatever support you feel you don’t have , you can create, for every moment in darkness, a light is available to lead you to your healing path.
During and after an unwanted event, it’s easy to feel like you are alone. Although family surrounded me during my childhood sexual abuse experience, fear, guilt, and shame kept me imprisoned in a dark secret. I felt as though I was in a maze with no way out.
Childhood sexual abuse is not the only experience that brings anger, betrayal, darkness, guilt, resentment, and shame. Any experience that violates our divine rights to dignity and respect can bring darkness.
What I forgot was I am not alone. My voice and my body matter.
No matter what you have gone through or going through, please know that you are not alone. You just haven’t found the person who can help show you your light, and it’s not your fault when people are not ready to heal their pain. I know you may feel like you are in the dark, but your light is still there, waiting for you to recognize it.
After the abuse, I stood between the crevice of my bed and my dresser and looked at the sky. The next thing I knew, I said I want to be aligned with nature. A series of events took place, including reading the entire King James Bible, learning the Lord’s prayer, and identifying with Jesus’ story and admiration for his character traits. Jesus loved in the face of betrayal, healed in the face of disbelief, and showed compassion where there was hate and judgment.
How do you create your circle of influence?
- Understand how priceless you are. There is no one like you in the world, and others’ actions do not reduce your worth.
- Speak your truth no matter who is not ready to hear it, and keep speaking your truth until you are heard and the matter is dealt with.
- Focus on who want to be. Seek empowering stories of those who moved forward despite their experiences through different mediums (books, blogs, songs, television, seminars, webinars, etc.). No one said that all of the people in your circle of influence have to be living. Observe others’ behavior before you include them in your circle of influence. Learn from others. Who do you want to be and not be?
- Focus on your dreams. I held on to my childhood dreams of traveling the world, living in Saint Louis, living in my own apartment, and having a family someday.
- Spend time in self-reflection every day. I spent a lot of time admiring nature’s stillness, pondering my mother’s words of wisdom, learning about the impact & lingering effect of unhealed wounds, and attuning myself to the Voice Within Me.
- Become what you didn’t have. If people didn’t support you while you were going through it, be supportive. If people didn’t believe you, be trustworthy. If people didn’t listen to your voice, listen. If people avoided your personal space, be respectful of others. If others didn’t speak loving words to you, lift someone else with a kind word. You become what you give. We don’t have to repeat the cycle of pain. Instead, we choose to create a cycle of love.
Make this lifetime great! You deserve it. Please share this post and subscribe to my quarterly empowering newsletters.
Timika
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Why Don’t Diets Lead To Sustainable Health?
Posted on June 26, 2021 Leave a Comment
Within a year of having my second child, I gained over 50lbs. The last thing on my mind was my weight increase. I was working from home full-time and the primary caregiver for two children under the age of three. I could have excused my additional weight by saying all the above things, including “I just had a baby,” but I knew I couldn’t excuse my behavior and circumstances. I stopped doing the one thing I knew should be at the top of my list. I put a halt to self-care.
If I didn’t get my weight under control, I knew it would be harder to lose weight at 200 pounds or more. So, after some trial and error with my exercise plan & routine, I banked on what I knew. I loved walking, and I had success losing weight before. I also thought about the legacy I wanted to leave, and my children reminded me that I wasn’t born overweight or obese. My actions and inactions led me to where I was.
I was never a diet person. Even as a diabetes educator, coach, and nurse, I promoted eating balanced and proportioned meals. The word diet has restrictions all around it, but I supported other’s decisions if they wanted to know more about a certain diet or meal plan. I wanted sustainable optimal health, and I knew that there was no quick way about it. I had heard too many stories of people gaining their weight back after having surgery or being on a diet. In many cases, they gained their weight back and then some. I
I am not totally against the use of diets. I know that any change in our behavior starts with the mind first. It is critical to understand the purpose of food and our body. Now, I love food. I love trying new food and cooking.
Here are five reasons I believe diets don’t lead to sustainable health.
- Your body is not a machine. It changes throughout life. The work you do to maintain your health is self-care.
- Diets, like medications, weren’t meant to be a cure.
- Your body requires certain nutrients. For example, your brain thrives on sugar to work effectively. I use themed meals to increase my chances of getting the right amount of nutrients. For example, Mondays and Fridays are Omega-3 days for my family and me.
- When you are more focused on meal plans, calorie restrictions, aka the process of eating, you are less in tune with your body and what it’s telling you.
- Calorie-counting and avoiding your favorite foods can be stressful. And with stress comes cortisol, which promotes fat storage, increased blood sugars, and other potentially harmful consequences.
Sometimes, like medications, we may need some additional help getting us back on track. But sustainable health means getting to the cause of our behavior. Our circumstances do not control our eating; we do.
Mental well-being thrives on getting to the root of why we do the things we do. When we negate the root of our behavior in one area of our life, we are more likely to do so in other areas (i.e., coping with trauma and expressing our pain).
Self-mastery, controlling what you eat, how you eat, how much, and where, is the foundation of sustainable health.Â
Thanks for reading my post!
Make this lifetime great! You deserve it. Please share this post and subscribe to my quarterly empowering newsletters.
Timika
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How Can You Prevent Weeds From Taking Over Your Inner Garden?
Posted on June 25, 2021 Leave a Comment
In 2019, my husband and I closed on our first house, and we inherited a garden-in-progress. My children and I were out in the garden yesterday, and I noticed that other plants were growing just as fast as my vegetables were growing. As a novice gardener, I still have problems discerning weeds from normal plants. We’ve had beautiful tulips and other plants sprout up since the acquisition of our mid-size garden. I noticed that many of the weeds have beautiful color flower tips and look so green, strong, and as if they belong in the garden, while other weeds look rough and unhealthy.
One day, as I was pulling some weeds, I noticed that the weeds’ vines were wrapped around a set of growing vegetables. Although I read that weeds compete with nourishment to stay alive, I couldn’t believe my eyes. How can something look so innocent, be so harmful?
How can something as simple as a four or five-letter word seem so powerful to our subconscious (inner garden)? Sometimes we do not take the words (you are crazy, silly, stupid) seriously until people call us more insulting names. Before you know it, we have a whole vocabulary to work with when we feel angry, disappointed, or resentful.
What was false now has become so real. If we were to peek in our inner garden, we would see many weeds scattered throughout our mind-soil. Over time, the weeds have strangled the truth about ourselves.
Then, the question becomes, what can you do to prevent a garden full of weeds. Here are four tips on preventing weed growth in your inner garden?
- Set the standard by telling people to address you by your name. You deserve respect.
- Daily management is a requirement. The longer I wait to address false information in my inner garden, the more the false information grows. I continue to reinforce with our children to call others by their name and not what you want to call them.
- Spend time with yourself and the truth within you. It is critical to our mental well-being to do what we can (meditate, pray) to align ourselves with the truth. The more you know about yourself, the more you can discern what is true and false.
- Realize that just pulling the weeds is not the answer. We need to create an environment that discourages life-destroying weeds while encouraging life-sustaining fruit. Now, more than ever, I believe the Bible is the ultimate manual for handling weeds. Nothing we experience today is new. People in the Bible experienced bullying, peer pressure, betrayal, insecurities, self-doubt, and a host of other issues. There are so many books that are truth-inspired (The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, A Course of Miracles, As A Man Thinketh by James Allen, and others) out there to help nourish our garden.Â
What books have you read to help keep false information at bay?
Thanks for reading my post!
Timika
Make this lifetime great! You deserve it. Please share if you believe this post can help someone and subscribe to my quarterly empowering newsletters.
