Part Of Accepting My Truth Was Shining The Lights On My Myths Part II

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Yesterday, I informed you of some of the myths I held about family and people as a child. A series of events continued to unfold the day I called out for nature’s help. Sometime after my experience with childhood sexual abuse, I dropped to my knees and prayed to know the Truth. I wanted to know the facts and not obscure my journey with judgments. I desired to know about human behavior because I wanted to understand what I now know us the cycle of pain. The memories of my childhood sexual abuse experience continued to fit like pieces to the puzzle.

Here are the remaining four myths I include in Chapter One in my memoir, Bent Not Broken.

1. People will be nice to me if I do what they say and remain quiet. Truth: My body, mind, and spirit are never up for a bargain.

2. I have to do what others are doing. Truth: Just because others are doing it does not make the action right.

3. Speaking up for myself has a time limit. Truth: The truth has no time limits. My feelings matter.

4. I am responsible for helping others feel good about themselves. Truth: I do not have to abuse, belittle, or neglect myself for the sake of others. People are responsible for themselves, just as I am responsible for my Self.

I believe knowledge is power, but how we use the information is essential to forgiving ourselves and others. I am not saying not to hold people accountable for their behaviors. I am saying what we all know. We cannot change people. The myths we hold about others are often self-imposed and potentially destructive to our well-being.

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.

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I Didn’t Know

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As a child, I didn’t know:

  1. what bullying, manipulation, incestual sexual abuse, and sexual assault meant. 
  2. I needed to heal from childhood sexual abuse. 
  3. Individuals who experienced childhood sexual abuse were at an increased risk of dropping out of high school and experience anxiety, depression, insomnia, teenage pregnancy, and substance abuse.
  4. Being in an abusive environment increased my risk of being abused.

Therefore, I relied on what I believed, heard, and saw. 

I believed:

  1. I was here for a purpose.
  2. True Love is possible.
  3. Life had more to show me.
  4. I am a student of life.

I heard:

  1. The Voice of reason within me. I had a connection to something greater than me, and I needed to listen. 
  2. My mother’s life principles including giving from the heart, living another day, cleaning your heart, taking care of what you have so God could bless you with more, listening, and how you do not need to create the past.
  3. Positive reinforcement from my mother, brothers, other family members, friends, and teachers

I saw:

  1. The two family members and many others get on with their lives, so I chose to get on with mine.
  2. Beautiful, poised, strong trees endure extreme temperatures, and each year, they looked better than the last one. 
  3. Character traits I wanted and did not want in movies and television shows. 

In my case, what I didn’t know, helped me. I dug deep within and called out for nature’s help. I do not minimize any experience anyone goes through. I know how important it is to understand how something affected us, but, I know our beliefs and what we hear and see impact our healing path from traumatic experiences.

Research and statistics have their place, but you do not have to put limits on how you should feel, respond, and think about your life experiences. 

Make this lifetime great!

You deserve it!

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.

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Blaming My Father Was Not The Answer

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As you know, anger, fear, guilt, shame, resentment, vengeance, and their magnetizing companions can feel unbearable at times. But, I knew that after the sexual abuse secret was out, I had to do something. I didn’t want to end up doing to others what the two family members did to me. Although my family and I continued to live close to J and S (the two family members who sexually abused me), I had to part ways from my entire experience with childhood sexual abuse emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

It’s so easy to blame others for their actions and inactions, but I realized blaming adds more weight to the load that I am already carrying.

Sometime after the secret was out, I was walking in the middle of our street one day. A thought came to me. If my father were around, maybe the abuse would not have happened. Within a matter of seconds, I came to my sense, for there were no guarantees that my father’s presence would have saved me. He was consumed with his internal battles.

Now, I was still angry at my father, for my mother struggled to provide a roof over our head, feed us, and other necessities of life. 

But, eventually, the anger towards my father turned into compassion because I knew his absence was not about me, my mother, or my brothers. For years, anger covered up the love I felt for him. I wanted my father in my life, but I later accepted that he would not be the father I wanted him to be. I had to heal that wound, and it took time, but it was worth it.

The blessing out of my relationship with my father is that I knew the type of parent I didn’t want to be, and I hoped to find a man who was unlike him. Later, I learned that we all are moving through some pain. Plus, my father missed out on guiding, loving, and protecting three beautiful spirits. My father was and is not a bad person. My father, just like J and S, was in pain and didn’t know how to deal with their pain.

Pain does not have to continue to callous hearts, dismantle the family concept, or infect generations. I could waste my precious energy, money, and time blaming my father or accepting him as he is. Nowadays, I pray for my father instead of blaming him. I hope he heals from the inside out, finding the peace that surpasses understanding.

By accepting, acknowledging, and confronting my pain, I moved on with my life to be present for two beautiful spirits. I unloaded a lot of baggage so that I could have a clear view of my desired life. I want our children and others to know that healing is possible and that pain is not be carried but released. Life is to be lived.

Thanks for reading!

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.

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