How Can You Regain Your Sense of Self-Worth After An Unwanted Experience?
Posted on June 8, 2021 Leave a Comment
All of us experience some form of disappointment in our lives. At five years old, two family members led me into the dark wilderness of childhood sexual abuse. After calling out for nature’s help, I chose to learn from life instead of being a continuous victim. Of course, over the years, anger, guilt, resentment, shame, and the like visited me, but I set my overall navigation on growing and learning. There was more to life than my childhood sexual abuse experience. So, how do we recover from broken expectations and prevent further damage to our self-worth?
Here are four steps to help you remember your worth.
- You acknowledge the experience for what it was. You don’t need to pretty up the story or tell a different story to achieve inner peace. When we deny our experiences, we increase the risk of denying our creativity, innate ability to heal, joy, peace, and like-minded virtues. Many emotions (anger, etc. )and feelings (incompetent, etc.) we experience come from denying what happened. Ask yourself. What am I refusing to accept about the experience?
- Part ways psychologically and physically, if you can. You do not need to continue in pain or repeat the past. Hurtful actions and words come from people who hurt. Often, their pain has nothing to do with you. For years, I lived near the two family members who misused my body. I saw them get on with their lives, and I knew I had to move forward with my life, too. Ask yourself. How can I move forward with my life?
- Learn from your experiences. Although your experiences can give you insight into your strengths and things to improve on, your experiences do not define you. You choose the life you want to live and set the standard for future experiences (relationships, employment, and other areas of your life) with what you now know about yourself. Self-empowerment comes from realizing you are greater than your experiences. Ask yourself. How can I use what I learned for future experiences?
- Create moments of stillness to reflect on your life and lessons learned. Throughout my day (i.e., cooking, cleaning, and other activities), I allow my mind to sift through experiences. Stillness is not about where you are but achieving inner peace despite where you are. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful for quiet moments, but sometimes I can’t wait until the kids go to bed or go outside on the deck to achieve calmness. Ask yourself. How can I achieve calmness regardless of my environment or passing storms?
- Forgive the teachers in your life. Every experience has something to teach us about ourselves—unfortunately, unhealed wounds and pain blind people to the Truth. Forgive them for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34). Ask yourself. Who am I permitting to interrupt my inner joy, peace, and other virtues?
We can turn broken expectations into opportunities by not taking our experiences personally, separating our worth from experiences, setting our life navigation on learning, and creating time to reflect on what we learned.
Make this lifetime great!
Timika
MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES
P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com for my quarterly newsletters. Let’s break the generational cycle of pain by creating a generational cycle of Love.
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How To Let Go Of Expectations
Posted on June 6, 2021 Leave a Comment
Hi there! I hope you are having a relaxing Sunday. We are heading into a new week, and we are still under our June theme, Truth. As you know, truth is a critical component to healing from the inside out. This week, I am focusing on the word, expectations. Expectations are often assumptions we have about people.
We have all expectations about how someone should be, speak, live, and even treat us. We hold many people in high regard, including our parents, aunts, uncles, coaches, teachers, and employers. But are we trying to control the uncontrollable? And, are we doing more harm than good when we blindly accept people will do, speak, and think the way we want them to, even if our beliefs and thoughts are based on what they have said or shown us.
As you know, human beings aren’t robots. Many people are walking around with unhealed wounds and are seeing the world out of the lenses of their pain.
At 5 years old, I expected the adults in my life to guide, love, and protect me from harm. My father was an alcoholic and abused my mother. Two male family members misused my body. I’ve had several other experiences when I wanted someone to be a certain way, and they weren’t, including myself. But, pain can be a great teacher of letting go of expectations.
As you know, stress is considered to be the cause of many health conditions, including rare and autoimmune disorders. It makes sense to me that when we feel attacked and a drop in our self-worth, we consciously or subconsciously insert an attack program on our bodies. But, often, what people do and say has nothing to do with us and everything to do with their pain.
Now, I’m not minimizing the brilliancy of our bodies. I know the peace of mind is a great healer to the body and chronic stress impairs the body from doing what it naturally does. The body can restore itself, but when we harbor anger, disappointment, and resentment towards others for not being who we want them to be, we add more stress to our bodies.
Here are three things to consider the next time you have expectations about someone.
- No one owes you anything. Even contracts are broken. When we assume people will act a certain way, we set ourselves up for disappointment. We can hope for the best, but someone’s actions or inactions must not affect our inner state of peace.
- Just because someone wants to do the right thing doesn’t mean they always will. Desire is important but not the only requirement for action. Therefore, we come to my next point.
- As long as people have a tongue, they will talk. My mother taught us to pay more attention to action instead of words. I often say to myself, that’s nice you feel that way, but I wait for their actions to tell me where they are. Many decisions are based on emotions, and when the emotions level off, for some, the commitment does, too.
As you know, we have control over our actions and thoughts. We can only show others how we want to be treated and make adjustments in our life if they do not adhere to our standards. I’d rather do away with expectations and give people the space to realize their growing points.
To be free of expectations is not holding people accountable. If someone does what they say they are going to do, then they do. But, do not tie yourself up with anger, disappointment, resentment, and other emotions that can damage you. Your health is way more important than someone keeping their word.
You deserve more because you are more than your experiences.
Timika
MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES
P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to my newsletters by entering your email below.
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A Sunday Refresh
Posted on June 6, 2021 Leave a Comment
Hi there!
I hope you are refueling yourself with some relaxation! When you reflect on the past, do you see your strengths or weaknesses? Do you see pain or even little moments of happiness?
Somewhere in you is the joy, peace, and love that transcends your experiences.
Are you looking for yourself today? Are you reuniting with your inner child who has dreams and hopes for a better life? Are you letting your past and current circumstances kill your convictions and inspirations or shut down the whisper that says “you are worthy of your dreams?”
You deserve joy, love, and to fulfill your purpose. You decide who and what you want from your experiences.
Take time to remember the child within and a moment to separate yourself from your experiences.
Make this lifetime great! Today, remember who you are.
Timika Chambers
MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES
P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com by clicking the link below.
Timika S Chambers 