How To Let Go Of Expectations

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Hi there! I hope you are having a relaxing Sunday. We are heading into a new week, and we are still under our June theme, Truth. As you know, truth is a critical component to healing from the inside out. This week, I am focusing on the word, expectations. Expectations are often assumptions we have about people. 

We have all expectations about how someone should be, speak, live, and even treat us. We hold many people in high regard, including our parents, aunts, uncles, coaches, teachers, and employers. But are we trying to control the uncontrollable? And, are we doing more harm than good when we blindly accept people will do, speak, and think the way we want them to, even if our beliefs and thoughts are based on what they have said or shown us. 

As you know, human beings aren’t robots. Many people are walking around with unhealed wounds and are seeing the world out of the lenses of their pain. 

At 5 years old, I expected the adults in my life to guide, love, and protect me from harm. My father was an alcoholic and abused my mother. Two male family members misused my body. I’ve had several other experiences when I wanted someone to be a certain way, and they weren’t, including myself. But, pain can be a great teacher of letting go of expectations.

As you know, stress is considered to be the cause of many health conditions, including rare and autoimmune disorders. It makes sense to me that when we feel attacked and a drop in our self-worth, we consciously or subconsciously insert an attack program on our bodies. But, often, what people do and say has nothing to do with us and everything to do with their pain.

Now, I’m not minimizing the brilliancy of our bodies. I know the peace of mind is a great healer to the body and chronic stress impairs the body from doing what it naturally does. The body can restore itself, but when we harbor anger, disappointment, and resentment towards others for not being who we want them to be, we add more stress to our bodies.

Here are three things to consider the next time you have expectations about someone. 

  1. No one owes you anything. Even contracts are broken. When we assume people will act a certain way, we set ourselves up for disappointment. We can hope for the best, but someone’s actions or inactions must not affect our inner state of peace.
  2. Just because someone wants to do the right thing doesn’t mean they always will. Desire is important but not the only requirement for action. Therefore, we come to my next point.
  3. As long as people have a tongue, they will talk. My mother taught us to pay more attention to action instead of words. I often say to myself, that’s nice you feel that way, but I wait for their actions to tell me where they are. Many decisions are based on emotions, and when the emotions level off, for some, the commitment does, too.

As you know, we have control over our actions and thoughts. We can only show others how we want to be treated and make adjustments in our life if they do not adhere to our standards. I’d rather do away with expectations and give people the space to realize their growing points.

To be free of expectations is not holding people accountable. If someone does what they say they are going to do, then they do. But, do not tie yourself up with anger, disappointment, resentment, and other emotions that can damage you. Your health is way more important than someone keeping their word. 

You deserve more because you are more than your experiences. 

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to my newsletters by entering your email below.

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Part Of Accepting My Truth Was Shining The Lights On My Myths Part 1.

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Often, what imprisons us are our beliefs and expectations about people. I knew I had to shine the light on my assumptions to set myself free of anger, disappointment, and magnetizing friends.

Here are five major myths I demystify in Chapter One of my soon-to-be-published memoir, Bent Not Broken.

  1. Older individuals are wise and always make the right decisions. Truth: Wisdom is a choice, and because someone is older does not mean they always do the right thing.

2. People are less likely to believe you when the person abusing you is liked or popular. Truth: The Truth is the truth, regardless of the person telling it and the one involved.

3. All family members care for you and protect you from harm. Truth: Everyone experiences anger, jealousy, and other emotions and does not always deal with their emotions and feelings in healthy ways. Sometimes pain blinds people from others’ pain.

4. Telling on family members is breaking a family code. Talking back to an adult or talking while an adult talked got you the wrong look or a smack across the face. Truth: We must hold everyone accountable for their actions regardless of family ties, social status, and any other distractions to accountability.

5. People will not like me if I do not comply with their desires. Truth: I am not here to be liked by others. The Truth does not care about clicks.

I didn’t realize my assumptions all at once. As you know, healing is a process, and each day provided me priceless treasures in understanding the weakened areas in my foundation.

What myths about people are you still holding onto? How important is it that you reexamine your beliefs about people and life?

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below. Also check out this week’s podcast below.

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How Can You Use Your Emotions To Free Yourself? Create A Generational Love Cycle With Timika S Chambers

Although your path may appear dark sometimes, your emotions can be the light on your healing path.  Thanks for listening!
  1. How Can You Use Your Emotions To Free Yourself?
  2. What Myths Are You Holding On That's Preventing Healing From The Inside Out?
  3. Shine The Light On They Myths You Are Holding
  4. Start With Your Truth
  5. How I Came Up With The Name of This Podcast

Blaming My Father Was Not The Answer

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As you know, anger, fear, guilt, shame, resentment, vengeance, and their magnetizing companions can feel unbearable at times. But, I knew that after the sexual abuse secret was out, I had to do something. I didn’t want to end up doing to others what the two family members did to me. Although my family and I continued to live close to J and S (the two family members who sexually abused me), I had to part ways from my entire experience with childhood sexual abuse emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

It’s so easy to blame others for their actions and inactions, but I realized blaming adds more weight to the load that I am already carrying.

Sometime after the secret was out, I was walking in the middle of our street one day. A thought came to me. If my father were around, maybe the abuse would not have happened. Within a matter of seconds, I came to my sense, for there were no guarantees that my father’s presence would have saved me. He was consumed with his internal battles.

Now, I was still angry at my father, for my mother struggled to provide a roof over our head, feed us, and other necessities of life. 

But, eventually, the anger towards my father turned into compassion because I knew his absence was not about me, my mother, or my brothers. For years, anger covered up the love I felt for him. I wanted my father in my life, but I later accepted that he would not be the father I wanted him to be. I had to heal that wound, and it took time, but it was worth it.

The blessing out of my relationship with my father is that I knew the type of parent I didn’t want to be, and I hoped to find a man who was unlike him. Later, I learned that we all are moving through some pain. Plus, my father missed out on guiding, loving, and protecting three beautiful spirits. My father was and is not a bad person. My father, just like J and S, was in pain and didn’t know how to deal with their pain.

Pain does not have to continue to callous hearts, dismantle the family concept, or infect generations. I could waste my precious energy, money, and time blaming my father or accepting him as he is. Nowadays, I pray for my father instead of blaming him. I hope he heals from the inside out, finding the peace that surpasses understanding.

By accepting, acknowledging, and confronting my pain, I moved on with my life to be present for two beautiful spirits. I unloaded a lot of baggage so that I could have a clear view of my desired life. I want our children and others to know that healing is possible and that pain is not be carried but released. Life is to be lived.

Thanks for reading!

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.

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