Self-Care Is Self-Love: People-Pleasing Is Neither

Sometimes, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, we have exactly what we need and don’t see it or choose to overlook it. People pleasing doesn’t prove anything other than questions our sanity.

When we do so much for others, and less for ourselves, we have lost some self-respect, and therefore, are not practicing self-care. When people ask you to do something that sets off your ethical and moral barometer, we must listen to the alarm and act accordingly.

Early on, I learned that no amount of doing leads to honesty and respect. When the secret was out about my sexual abuse experience, one of the male family members lied about his involvement. Then, I knew that love is not built on pleasing others. Therefore, I wanted someone to love me for me, and not what I can do for him. Relationships continue to reinforce that I I must love myself first. People will often treat you how you treat yourself.

Learn more about my memoir, Bent Not Broken, which shares how I used my sexual abuse experience to formulate life principles and additional healthy living tips by signing up below for my quarterly newsletter. Be bent on the idea that adversity will make you stronger.

Everyday is a day to remake yourself into the person you want to be and not a compilation of unleashed pain especially others’ pain.

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

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It can come in slowly……

Sometimes doubt and negative talk can creep in. We do not see its divine purpose in our life until we have accomplished our goal, and we are looking back at our accomplishment. You are worth every bit of freedom, independence, and peace of mind. Stay focused on your vision. #doubt #freedom #peaceofmind #tgif #mindset #youcandoit #health #fitness #journey #story #soultalk #meaning #realtalk #weightlossjourney #transformation #spirit #divine #calling #purpose #confidence #confirmation #career #coach #mentor #nurse #saintlouis #columbus #global 
We all have issues…..How we are dealing with our issues counts!
Timika

Lesson 10

Is it beneficial to continue the same familial behaviors “just because that is the way it has always been done.” “My mother, father, grandmother, aunt, uncle and everyone else did it this way, so I will, too.”

Are we carrying comfort, joy, love, peace into the next generations or anger, bitterness, disappointments, or hatred into next generations? Are we researching to see if there is a better strategy to getting something done? For example, I read online how many parents are using meditation to help their child confront negative behaviors and adapt more positive behaviors through self-reflection and inner wisdom instead of whipping their children.
Ultimately, are we becoming the best person we know how to be and helping our children to do the same?
What would your answer be to the below questions?

1. If you have been diagnosed with diabetes and had a family member to die because of diabetes complications, should you stop preventative behaviors (checking your blood sugar, eating healthy and in moderation, consistent physical activity) because you believe that you will die of the same complications, too.  Why or why not?

Are you upset that your mother did not take better care of her health and left you at a young age that you vow to never have children?

2. If your parents whipped you with a switch until your skin split open and started bleeding, should you discipline your children the same way? Why or why not?

3. If your father stayed at a job until retirement, regretting that he never pursued what he was passionate about, should you do the same? Why or why not?

4. If you were raised by a single parent, and one of your parents was not there for you throughout your childhood, should you be the same way to your children? Why or why not?

5. If your mother never served home cooked meals, and you frequently visited drive thru or sit in restaurants, should you not learn how to cook for your family? Why or why not?

6. If your mother never graduated from high school, should you settle for dropping out of high school and never pursue a college degree, even though you want to be a nurse? Why or why not?

7. If you believe that you were not loved by your parents, and you had a dysfunctional household, should you withhold love from your children (no hugs, kisses, or compassion shown)?

8. If you believe that you raised yourself, should you set the same expectations for your child?
9. If you were locked in a room for two hours a day anytime you did something your parents did not like, should you do the same to your child?

We have the knowledge and the power to make better choices for ourselves and our family. We can always seek experts in the field (Diabetes educator, healthcare providers, dietitians, parenting coaches, online organizations/ support groups to make better life choices. If something bothered you or just did not feel right as a child, why continue the same behaviors? Our actions and inactions can have a direct or indirect influence on our children, schools, communities, and the world.
For example, angry children can become angry adults. Angry adults can become angry employees, employers, wives, husbands, policeman, firefighters, nurses, doctors, etc. If the anger is left unchecked, well, you know what can happen.

What we do behind closed doors, do not stay behind closed doors.

Heal within,

Timika