Tag Archives: shame

How Can Chains Free You Instead of Imprison You?

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So have you ever done something that you regret? Of course, you have. That was a silly question on my part. Or was it? 

You can probably list several things you have done and wish you knew and did better or trusted yourself.

At one point during my nursing career, I worked for a local traveling agency. One day, the company sent me to a county clinic, and there I heard the words that further changed how I thought about life. I am unsure of everything I said to this Nurse Practitioner, but she must have sensed that I was complaining and feeling down. And without looking at me and further explaining herself, the Nurse Practitioner said, “they based their actions on what they knew.” Then, she walked away to take care of her client. She wasn’t mad at me. That’s how the truth is. The truth needs no explaining and only acceptance.

Her words sank in me. Our actions are based on what we know. I knew this principle because sometime after my sexual abuse experience, I wanted to be more conscious of life. I wanted to align with the Voice of Reason within me that knew all. I wanted to be free and live a life without excessive anger, fear, worrying, and others. Although I continued to struggle with some emotions, somewhere deep in me, I knew that excessive and lingering emotions were a waste of energy, money, and time. And life proved it to me.

This morning, my husband and I couldn’t help but notice the communication between several birds. I laid in bed for a few minutes, listening to the freedom I heard in their singing and speaking. Then, I remembered, “behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them” (Mathew 6:26).

During prayer time, I remembered how I didn’t think about getting this or that as a child. Things just fell into place. At an early age, I started saying, “I’ll do my best, and God will handle the rest. I would also say, “God can make things right.” So, I stopped worrying about many stuff, and many emotions, including forgiveness, slipped away. And I lived my life, and other life events continued to test my newfound ways of thinking.

Our children often remind me of our natural, free spirit and how learning about life does not always lead to anger and guilt. 

So, how do you use chains to enable freedom instead of bondage? 

Each day, you realize that:

  1. It’s better to surrender to life than it is to fight it. So many of our emotions and feels are based on the nonacceptance of what is. 
  2. Live in the moment, which is all there is. The past is gone, and the future takes care of itself. Nothing you do will change what has already happened.
  3. Do the best you can and move on. Work with what you have. So many times growing up, we didn’t have the right tools (hammer, screwdriver), but we got the job done. We have more to work within ourselves than we think.
  4. Learn and plan, but do not obsess about things. Somehow things work out for the best. What you thought you wanted or couldn’t live without was not true.

I am happy to be alive. Each day is an opportunity to enjoy life instead of stressing over how, why, when, where, and who. As the bible says, do not be conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). Therefore, we can transform our life by changing our thoughts to bring more joy, peace, and understanding that our experiences do not define us. We define ourselves. 

Make this lifetime great!

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Thanks for reading!

Timika

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Blaming Yourself Is Not The Answer

I’m sure you have heard the phrase forgiveness is for you and not the other person. Sometime after my childhood sexual abuse secret was out, I realized anger, guilt, resentment, shame, and their magnetizing companions were a waste of energy and time.

Nursing school was one of my many signposts that confirmed there was a never way of living. After learning about resilience, I said, “I am resilient. I learned about conditioning my mind (Pavlov) and how to be my best self as possible. I was on my way to self-actualization, and many great people experienced unwanted events as a child. I learned I had a voice, and I could teach people how to be healthy and prevent things from happening to them. I also learned about the devastating effects of stress (anger, guilt, and other potentially toxic emotions if we permit them to linger.

Often, life teaches us theory before experience. Later in my 20’s, I experienced what the world calls survivor’s guilt after learning that many people who experienced childhood sexual abuse turned to external comforters (alcohol, drugs, sex, and others) and were suffering. I felt I accomplished many of my dreams and pondered why me?

Thankfully, life has also brought me full circle in understanding that we go through things to help people find their healing path. Thus, forgiveness serves as a win-win.

I realize again that there is no reason to feel guilty. As a child, I had every right to:

  1. believe what the two family members did was not my fault
  2. believe someone else’s pain is not my fault
  3. experience true love since I knew what love was not.
  4. Succeed in life (to do the things I love without feeling guilty).

There is no reason to imprison ourselves for something someone else did. We become so others can become. People need light to show them the way out of pain (darkness). We don’t need to struggle and keep carrying baggage (pain) into generations.

When we know we have a right to be free and experience love, we do not settle for anything else. We are not better than others. We are living our truth.

Thank you for reading my post!

Make this lifetime great!

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to @timikaschambers.com by clicking the link below.

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What Did I Learn From My Pain?

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I knew before age 5 that abusing someone was wrong. I reported to another family member that my father was abusing my mom. I questioned if I was wrong because of the backlash I received from my father. Unfortunately, sprinkles of doubt seeds were instilled into the soil of my inner garden, and I experienced the cycle of pain for the first time.

When I experienced abuse at age 5-10, I struggled with telling the truth, but I learned something about myself before, during, and after my personal experience with abuse.

I realized:

I didn’t want to force anyone to do anything they do not want to do. I carried this principle at the forefront of my mind and heart.

I do not have to be in pain. I wanted to do so much with my life. I wanted to see Saint Louis, Missouri. I craved seeing the rest of God’s world. I wanted to drive and experience real love. I needed to have a normal life. I desired happiness and to do the things I enjoyed. I loved food and the freedom to be who and what I wanted to be. I loved spending time in nature and thinking about life, and sleeping. I loved taking pictures with my camera and with my mind. I loved art and the ability to record life on a piece of paper.

I didn’t like pain. I sought inner guidance to avoid, minimize, and release lingering anger, disappointment, guilt, shame, resentment, and vengeance, for these emotions and feelings were distractions to enjoying life. All of my efforts took time. Still, I didn’t want to miss out on what life had for me. Every moment of feeling in despair reminded me that I didn’t want to feel that way, and I was determined to find my way back to my Truth.

I desired the Truth and to be in alignment with nature. I thought that if there is an all-knowing, ever-present, and loving power in the world, I wanted to have a relationship with it. I listened to and incorporated my mother’s teachings into my life. I read the Bible and learned the Lord’s prayer. I absorbed Jesus’ characteristics and changed to a student approach to life. I observed people and looked for God’s messages in movies, television, and life. I was a learner and not a victim of life, so when things didn’t work out as I wanted, I spent less time beating myself up about my decisions. I learned and moved on, which is what my mother often encouraged us.

Now, at age 46, I understand more about the power of the mind. The brain is small, but a powerful organ, and is our connection to the universal mind. We can choose healing instead of pain.

Refuse to continue pain, and be bent on creating a cycle of Love. And see what doors open up to you. Even if you don’t know what you want, make a list of what you don’t want. Then the want-door opens.

I’m a little bent because of my pain, but I am facing in the right direction.

Make this lifetime great! I believe you can. And, you still have time.

Timika

MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Join below.

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