How did I avoid an argument with my spouse?
I caught myself yesterday after speaking words that I knew would cause an argument. I was finishing up laundry from our recent vacation, and my spouse found more of his clothes that needed washing. I wanted to have laundry done by a certain time Friday morning, and I began feeling a little frustrated that there were more clothes that needed to be washed. If I had continued on the path I was on with feeling delayed and frustrated, and that I had all of the clothes that needed to be washed in the laudry room, and he did not, an argument with my spouse would have followed. I soon found out, after I decided to change my path, that I, too, had more clothes that needed to be washed.
An argument takes more than one person. I am in control of my thoughts and the words I speak. They can be words of love or words that come from anger, jealousy, frustration, or any other negative emotion/feeling. One of my favorite quotes by Napoleon Hill is “Direct your thoughts, control your emotions, and ordain your destiny.” So, I needed to change my thoughts, control my frustration, and pick a path in alignment with who I want to be.
Another quote that I was reminded on Friday is from the Book of Mathew, and it comes come :
Matthew 7: 4 &5 :How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while there is still a beam in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Besides checking to see what mood or state I am in before I speak, here are the steps I I used to avoid an argument with my spouse yesterday:
1. Removed myself from where were I was. I left out of the laundry room and decided to be still and realized that what I had said was not called for. I could clearly see what he was doing, so I did not need to ask the question.
So, go to another room that allows you to clear your mind and reduce the risk of saying something else to ignite the fire of an argument? Removing myself from the room helped me to think about what I just said and what to say next.
2. Assessed my intention for the words I spoke? Why did I just say what I said? I was trying to complete all of our laundry early Friday morning, so that I could enjoy the rest of the day and do other things. I felt like he was putting me off schedule. I played a part in being off schedule by not communicating properly my intentions. Never did I communicate to my spouse that I was doing laundry and what color clothes I was washing next. I actually like doing laundry and feel blessed that I can do it myself.
3. Thought about what my spouse was going through. I was not the only person trying to finish something that morning. So, I put myself in the other person’s shoes and started talking about what was bothering him.
4.Kept focused on my goals for how I want my life and my marriage to be. Choose by battles, wisely! I want to live a long healthy vibrant youthful life with the one I love.
Good for you! I like the tool’s of silence, pause, reflection, inspiration, and compassion.
Thank you! God bless.
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Ayanawriter, thank you for your comments!
I’m so glad to read this and to see that you sorted it out. Disagreements are inevitable, but a lot of times we have the power to avoid unnecessary arguments over the little things in life. I wish more people would realize this.
Thank you !! Yes.. we have the power to influence conversations…one person at a time…..