The Monster Within
Over the years, anger, fear, guilt, shame, and resentment were frequent companions. Even after receiving & accepting the thought that life experiences produces character, I still permitted the dark side to seduce me at times.
On my 21st birthday, I sat in the tub and cried. I felt that I was growing up too fast and had not accomplished some of the things I wanted.
It would take me a few years to realize that I wasn’t fulfilled living someone else’s life—my mother’s dream of becoming a nurse. My commitment to becoming a nurse stemmed from my father’s interference with her dream of becoming a nurse and the need to program my navigation system with a sense of purpose after years of sexual abuse.
But, I never let go of the truth that there are no coincidences. Every experience and emotion helped me to find my way back to my Self. My faith in a higher power and my student perspective to life kept me going.
1. Anger- I would not desire my truth and to build a character foundation.
2. Fear- I would not know the difference between what I want and don’t want.
3. Guilt-I would not know what forgiveness and innocence mean.
3. Shame- I would not resolve to strengthen my weaker parts.
4. Resentment- I would not know what it means to focus on my life.
5. Vengeance- I would not know compassion and that every human is here to learn something.
Although I can list many reasons to justify my anger, I choose to move in the direction of light. The only monster there is, is the one I create by not managing my emotions effectively. Who I create is often who and what I attract.
Am I better or worse for my emotions? When I feel that they serve an underlying purpose to unite me with my purpose, I can only be better.
Now, amid the coronavirus pandemic, I am becoming me. I am no longer fearful of dying with my Truth. I am determined to live my Truth.
Make this lifetime great one moment, one day at a time.
Timika S Chambers