Listen to Your Child Because Listening Could Save Their Life and Others

I know that silent children everywhere are afraid of speaking up for themselves. They fear retribution or not being liked by others if they speak their truth. I don’t want my children to become a statistic. Although bullying-type behavior is common, it doesn’t have to be the norm and accepted. 

Hi there,

For the past several months, my son has had several experiences with bullying at his school. I tried to remain determined to bring the issues to light but felt like my plea for a healthy, safe environment wasn’t being fully addressed. It seemed as though Cam, an 11-year-old body, was the only one experiencing issues in the school, but I knew better. Some told me to be careful of what I say because of retribution, but I thought I’d rather speak up and fight for what is right instead of my son becoming a statistic and it becomes too late for him. One of the people who told me to be careful also said that silence equals acceptance. I couldn’t be silent because the behavior wasn’t accepted. 

Side note: This isn’t the first time I’ve had someone deflect an incident off them and project it on someone else. As I have shared in previous blogs and my podcast, Create A Generational Love Cycle, I experienced the same thing with my father around four years old after telling a family member that my father was abusing my mother. My father yelled, “I had no right telling people what was happening at home.” Another incident involved a family member who projected his pain on me. Like the above situations, I knew my actions were right. Even though you may know the truth, some aren’t ready to acknowledge their pain and accept responsibility for their actions. 

No child deserves to experience bullying of any kind from teachers, students, administrators, support staff, or any other person. Children shouldn’t have to witness abuse in any form, including curse words, foul language, kicking, pushing, and like-minded actions, especially at school while staff are present or aren’t present. 

Nevertheless, Cam kept hearing cursing, inappropriate language, and others, and I fought through the minute hesitation to email the principal and staff about the issues at the school. All along, a story every now and then came up about children ending their lives due to bullying. In addition, I’ve spoken to several students who admitted to experiencing bullying at the school. I knew in my heart that silent children everywhere are afraid of speaking up for themselves for fear of retribution, trying to keep the peace within the home and at school, or for other reasons. I had already told my husband after Cam experienced a couple of incidents of bullying I was not going to let our child be a statistic. He deserves to speak up for himself (his voice) and respectful treatment. 

For years, I’ve been trying to strengthen my children’s foundation. I’ve been telling them since they were babies that their body belongs to them and they have a right to privacy and respect. If anyone does anything disrespectful, then please tell them to stop and let a trusted adult know and tell their parents. I continue to share my experiences and my mother’s principles (e.g., give from their heart, move forward in life, nip things in the bud, and others) to shine my light (my mother’s light) and encourage our children to shine theirs. Two nights ago, I read a piece of Rachel Carson’s story in the book Resist and how some thought of her as a troublemaker and ignored her for speaking their truth. But, eventually, as it does always, the truth comes out. And many of the so-called crazy people or troublemakers are now honored for speaking the truth, even after their transition. 

As parents, we must move beyond what others think of us and speak the truth to those in authority because sometimes those in power lose their way, too. 

My reward: Since their early years in school, my children would immediately tell me how their day went before they could fully enter my car. My son told me yesterday that his sister shares so much with me because I provide a safe place to speak her mind. After writing the last statement, I realized that I am passing on one of the things I love about my mother. She invited conversation. She listened for she believed, “You can learn a lot more from listening.” In addition, my children have voiced that they feel empowered. They feel listened to and know that we will address their concerns. 

You can bet I was fully ready to take my children out of school and return to homeschool/online education, but a part of me believes this school experience serves a divine purpose. For now, our children shine their lights at their schools so others can Remember Who They Are. 

Yesterday, I found out that the school addressed many of the things my son and other children are experiencing at the school. I emailed the principal to thank the school for actively addressing bullying-type behavior, and she encouraged me to continue reporting our concerns. 

I don’t know what you’ve gone through with your child. Sometimes, children don’t speak the truth out of fear of punishment, feeling like a “bad person,” or for other reasons, but we must remain open to them. Cultivate a safe space for them. Listen to their concerns. Ask them about their day. Remind them that they deserve respect and should be respectful toward others. Adult bullying didn’t just start in adulthood. Adults display behaviors that often go unchecked or somehow embraced by others. Children often model behavior they continue to see and socially acceptable behaviors, and 6–8 hours a day is long enough to pick up unhealthy behaviors.

All of us have to choose the best environment for our children. And, sometimes, we are put in environments to change them. However, if people don’t change, we must change (another principle my mother taught me). Sometimes, you must leave and shake the dust off your feet (Matthew 10:14). 

Listen to your child. You never know what you may hear that may save their life, yours, or others. I’ve learned much from my children, including how to move past fear and advocate for my children.

Check out my recent podcast on Create A Generational Love Cycle, The Seeds We Plant Series: The Teacher Is Always the Student First.

The Seeds We Plant: The Teacher is Always the Student First by Create A Generational Love Cycle With…
In this episode, I share the importance of having a learner mindset instead of assuming that we have and must know all…podcasters.spotify.com

One life taken because of bullying is too many. One life saved saves many. 

We can turn silent children into empowered children. They speak when they need to speak, and they speak the truth.

As always, make this lifetime great because you still can!

Timika