Blaming Yourself Is Not The Answer

I’m sure you have heard the phrase forgiveness is for you and not the other person. Sometime after my childhood sexual abuse secret was out, I realized anger, guilt, resentment, shame, and their magnetizing companions were a waste of energy and time.

Nursing school was one of my many signposts that confirmed there was a never way of living. After learning about resilience, I said, “I am resilient. I learned about conditioning my mind (Pavlov) and how to be my best self as possible. I was on my way to self-actualization, and many great people experienced unwanted events as a child. I learned I had a voice, and I could teach people how to be healthy and prevent things from happening to them. I also learned about the devastating effects of stress (anger, guilt, and other potentially toxic emotions if we permit them to linger.

Often, life teaches us theory before experience. Later in my 20’s, I experienced what the world calls survivor’s guilt after learning that many people who experienced childhood sexual abuse turned to external comforters (alcohol, drugs, sex, and others) and were suffering. I felt I accomplished many of my dreams and pondered why me?

Thankfully, life has also brought me full circle in understanding that we go through things to help people find their healing path. Thus, forgiveness serves as a win-win.

I realize again that there is no reason to feel guilty. As a child, I had every right to:

  1. believe what the two family members did was not my fault
  2. believe someone else’s pain is not my fault
  3. experience true love since I knew what love was not.
  4. Succeed in life (to do the things I love without feeling guilty).

There is no reason to imprison ourselves for something someone else did. We become so others can become. People need light to show them the way out of pain (darkness). We don’t need to struggle and keep carrying baggage (pain) into generations.

When we know we have a right to be free and experience love, we do not settle for anything else. We are not better than others. We are living our truth.

Thank you for reading my post!

Make this lifetime great!


MSN BSN RN, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, ACE Fitness Instructor, CDCES

P.S. I would love for you to join my community of being bent on using our experiences as stepping stones to our divine purpose, healing from the inside out, and achieving and sustaining optimal health. Subscribe to by clicking the link below.

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